


Chant of the Stars (Hoshi no Utai)

by MidoriKurenaiYume



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arguing, Awkward Sexual Situations, Dark, Dialogue, Drama & Romance, Dubious Morality, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Multi, Mystery, Reflection, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-03-19 11:10:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 40,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13703250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriKurenaiYume/pseuds/MidoriKurenaiYume
Summary: When her family was executed for treason, the High Lord spared Arturia because she was just a child, but only on the condition that she would later become one of his courtesans, to be offered to his guests for entertainment.With no other choice, she accepted and made the most of her destiny, at least until a guest with unsettling crimson eyes became unexpectedly interested in her.





	1. I saw a moonless night

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here's the warning: there's very little plot in this fic, the content is explicit and not particularly pleasant - especially at the beginning - and due to the circumstances, the characters will feel more OOC than usual.  
> The length of the chapters will be quite variable, but the updates should be regular.
> 
> Special thanks to Christy for listening to my ideas for this AU when I was really, really angry for personal reasons, and for helping me make it less dark - because the initial draft was MUCH worse than this.
> 
> Title: Hoshi no Utai is one of my favourite Kalafina songs (part of the album 'Red Moon'), as it's dark and intense ;) the chapters' titles are lyrics from the song. Credit for the translation goes to the canta-per-me forum ;)

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

Arturia’s childhood had been fairly normal and even reasonably happy. The worst event in it had been that she had risked drowning in a small pond; but since she had been very young when it had happened, she did not remember much about it, aside from something like a bright yellow magic rope that had pulled her out of the water and saved her life.

Of course, she had soon recognized that it had only been her fear that had shocked her; she had therefore not needed much time to learn that tales full of magic were absolutely ridiculous and that she should keep her imagination in check.

To be fair, Arturia had never been particularly interested in fairy tales as a child, especially tales of princesses marrying the handsome prince who came to save them from peril. She was an only child and thus heir of a noble family though; that meant that the subject of marriage was introduced to her early on, but more in the form of a duty rather than a dream. Rather, to be more specific, as _fate_ , as destiny written in the stars for her.

She was told that, once she grew up, she was going to have to marry, to create useful alliances for the sake of the family. She didn’t entirely understand what that meant at the time; but once she was old enough to do so, her situation had changed drastically.

Her close relatives had been planning a dangerous coup to take over the power in a part of the land; their scheming was discovered before it could become more than just talk and the entire family was sentenced to death. Arturia was then only eight years old and couldn’t fully understand what was happening; the High Lord who executed her family therefore decided to grant her mercy.

Her family had fallen into disgrace, the remaining members being executed as well; he secretly changed her name, so that no one would know that she was kept alive, and offered her a place to stay at his palace, on the condition of course that, once she was older, she would become one of his many courtesans.

She didn’t really have a choice in the matter, but young Arturia did not mind. As she grew up, she understood better her family’s crimes and what consequences there would have been if their planned coup had succeeded; she was horrified, and felt it somewhat right that she was punished in their place.

Being a courtesan was a very generous punishment, or at least, that was what she was led to believe for the first few years. Yet once she came closer to her fifteenth birthday, when her status would officially change, she started to harbour some doubts.

She had a rather comfortable place to live in, that was true, and she was told, repeatedly, that being selected as a courtesan was considered an honour. The castle where she lived was large and, even though she was confined to her quarters, she was often together with other women who were already the High Lord’s courtesans and who employed their free time by improving her – and their – education. None of them knew her former identity – they all knew her merely as Saber, the name the High Lord had chosen for her, and they had only been told that she was an orphan – but they were kind to her, helping raise her as if she were a younger sister to them.

Instead of being bitterly competitive with one another, the courtesans had developed a strange sort of camaraderie. They knew that the amount of beauty they possessed did not matter, as in the end they were all in the same boat, therefore they had soon realized that it was best to look out for one another, for no one else was going to do it for them otherwise. They had privileges as the High Lord’s possessions, but they had them only as long as they maintained their position; fighting against each other wasn’t going to improve their chances of gaining more favour.

Arturia noticed the bond between the courtesans from the start, and once a couple of years had passed, began to ask some questions about what it meant to be a courtesan, since she was expected to become one in the future. The explanations she received were all rather similar: not much was going to change from her current situation, except for the fact that she would share the bed of the High Lord and whomever the High Lord would offer her to.

She had been instructed enough on sex to know what virginity was supposed to be and, as her fifteenth birthday came closer, she started to become apprehensive, knowing that the High Lord was going to request her presence. Once he did, she was going to have to participate to the High Lord’s party dinners, and any man invited there would then have the right to claim her for the night.

The other courtesans, especially the most experienced ones, were nice to her – something she was grateful for – and did their best to soothe her worries about what expected her.

In the end, when the moment came, Arturia discovered that she had been worrying for naught, but not because it was easy.

The High Lord was quite inebriated – or rather, completely drunk – when he took her virginity, which meant that the entire experience was nothing but awkward and confusing for her. His weight on top of her was uncomfortable, as were his touches, making it an overall unpleasant experience, but most of all, she was surprised by the fact that it was over fairly quickly. The High Lord fell asleep on the bed after mumbling something about her being a very pretty girl, and once he started snoring loudly Arturia quietly got dressed before leaving the room as she had been instructed to do.

Outside, she was mildly surprised to find other courtesans waiting for her. One of them, the High Lord’s favourite, gave her an encouraging smile and then went inside the room to look after the passed out man; another one, who was the eldest of them, guided her to the kitchens.

After giving her a washcloth to clean herself up, the older woman – her name was Sola-Ui – told her to pay attention while she prepared a special tea for her. Arturia recognized it as something she had heard the women refer to as Silent Tea, but she had never been told what its purpose was.

That night, she didn’t sleep at all, as Sola-Ui stayed with her and explained everything she had not yet been aware of and which she had not been told before because she could have yet escaped the fate of a courtesan. Aside from making sure she learned how to brew the Silent Tea, which was the only way for the courtesans to avoid becoming pregnant, Arturia was then carefully instructed on the behaviour that was expected of her in public and on what duties she was to perform from that day on in the bedchambers.

Sola-Ui also drew her a hot bath, one that was specifically prepared for ‘first-timers’ or, as she was told with a grimace, for courtesans who endured particularly unpleasant guests. There were medications they could also take after encounters that were too rough, especially if they ended up with bruises. Arturia finally understood where some red marks she had briefly noticed on the women in the past came from, as the eldest courtesan mentioned that there were some very… _exuberant_ guests, who liked to tie up their bed-warmers.

But Sola-Ui didn’t linger too much on the subject of different sexual performances, mainly because the guests would choose them and the courtesans were expected to obey them without question; she insisted much more on the importance of always remembering to take the Silent Tea.

That was something Arturia understood very well, because out of all the courtesans the High Lord had, only a few had had children, yet none of them knew who their father was and even if they had indeed known, that wouldn’t have changed their status as bastards and therefore destined only for the most humble of occupations. Those courtesans had also lost their privileges and had become simple maids in the castle. Arturia recalled having seen only one pregnant courtesan in the past; the High Lord had harshly criticized and shunned her, making her decide to take her own life to spare her child a future of ostracism and suffering. The importance of not having any children was therefore paramount, and that was why Sola-Ui was particularly insisting on teaching her how to prepare the Silent Tea.

On that day, Arturia officially became one of the High Lord’s courtesans. He did not request her presence in his chambers anymore, as he had many other courtesans and already had his favourite among them, but she was now required to participate to the evening parties, which were very frequent.

The courtesans were to wear extremely revealing clothes, and when there were guests – as long as the High Lord deemed them worthy – he would offer them the possibility to select company for the night among his courtesans. Offering personal courtesans to a guest meant offering him respect and deference; therefore, it was something that happened whenever one of the nobles gained the High Lord’s favour.

To the surprise of the other courtesans, Arturia wasn’t requested too often; as motivation, the guests claimed that her green eyes were considered ‘unsettling’. The guests called the courtesans with nicknames, and Arturia soon heard that since her unflinching gaze was intimidating for some of them, they had given her the name ‘Green-Eyed Courtesan’.

She knew that, if she built herself an unfavourable reputation, the High Lord would not be pleased and it could have extremely hostile consequences for her. Therefore, following Sola-Ui’s advice, she studied the other women’s behaviour, learning how to lower her gaze at the right moment. Her beauty was sufficient for her role, which meant that looking demure while wearing robes that left little to the imagination created a strong allure.

Once she got used to it, she realized how foolish she had been at the beginning. She shouldn’t have been apprehensive about losing her virginity – not when she was now in bed with different men on an almost weekly basis.

She also understood that her concerns about sex had been irrelevant, because it had _never_ been – and it never _would_ _be_ – about her.

She was a courtesan, which meant that she was a body. A body to be admired, to be looked at, and later to be used to give men satisfaction. That was all there was to it; her possible discomfort or her thoughts about it were unnecessary.

She was there to ‘help’ the guests find release, but once she did that, she could leave their rooms.

The rest of the time, she was completely free to do whatever she wanted, and she took advantage of it. The palace offered a personal room for each courtesan; almost all of them made sure to keep up a regular training schedule, not just to remain fit in order to look good, but also to be able to defend themselves – at least slightly – in case the guests were too violent.

Aside from the time they had to dedicate to entertaining the guests in their beds, they had leave to use their time as they wished. There was a large library in the palace, to which they had unrestricted access, giving the courtesans the possibility to expand their knowledge and study anything they wanted.

To have more time to pursue her studies, however, Arturia soon learned that the best way was to complete her duties as fast as possible. On evenings when she wasn’t chosen, she could study in peace; but when she was required to go to someone else’s room, she determined it was best if she learned to bring the men to orgasm quickly.

She had mentioned this to the other more experienced courtesans and had soon found out that there were quite a few – even though not all of them – who employed the same tactic. She learned that the best way to bring the men to pleasure rapidly was to stroke their ego, therefore faking her own pleasure was the key for it, because it allowed her to remain in control.

Making them believe they were excellent lovers was often more than enough to make them feel satisfied in themselves and therefore quicken their release. With a little practice, it became progressively easier and easier.

The other courtesans showed her how to prepare her body, with a few simple strokes in the right places so that the unwelcome penetration wouldn’t hurt. Therefore, every time Arturia had to sleep with someone after a while since the last encounter – and as she wasn’t requested too often, such an occurrence was rather common – she had to prepare by pushing two fingers inside herself and make sure she was wet enough to flatter the person she was going to be with. Afterwards, all she had to do was endure the jerking and erratic movement of any man who was on top of her.

Having been told that her eyes sometimes made them uncomfortable, she took to closing them or looking at the ceiling during sex, finding it easier to pretend she was lost in ecstasy when in truth she was simply grateful to have an excuse not to look at the umpteenth man achieving satisfaction with her body. A bonus of course was that the rooms were often quite dark, making sure the guests did not see her very clearly and neither did she have to look too closely at the person who was finding pleasure in her, but closing her eyes was still something she favoured. She was quick to learn to let out fake moans at the right movement and clench her insides when she recognized the guest was close, as she knew those actions would speed things up.

Choosing this kind of behaviour was something she decided had to be done because she did not enjoy having sex with those men, but she also knew that she needed to satisfy them. Some courtesans found pleasure in the men’s beds and, judging from their blissful expressions when they came out of their rooms, Arturia had no trouble believing them; for her, however, it was different.

She had never found any enjoyment during intercourse, nor had she experienced any pleasure with men – especially since most of them were drunk by the time they retired with her – and she had also declined the offer from other courtesans to learn how to pleasure herself, as she didn’t care about it.

Very rarely, she had felt a ghost of pleasure briefly run through her when some of her partners had reached a certain angle inside her, but it was barely a moment, therefore she never bothered thinking about it and just focused on making them find their release rapidly so that she could leave.

Once they finished, they were usually spent, lying down on the bed and lost in what remained of their pleasure, making it very easy for her to find her discarded robe and leave quietly, as she was free to go once she had satisfied them. When she left, she always went straight to the kitchen to prepare the Silent Tea.

Even though there were servants in the castle – many of them were former courtesans – she preferred taking care of the tea herself, not wanting to rely on anyone else when she could do things on her own. She had little to no control over her future; at least on this, she would take it upon herself to be careful and look after her womb.

The last thing she wanted was to become pregnant from one of those unpleasant encounters; she would not inflict the curse of illegitimacy on an innocent child. She knew that not all courtesans were as cautious, and Arturia had seen first-hand what had happened to some of them and their bastard children.

For her future, there wasn’t much to look forward to. She loved learning, reading as much as she could in the palace’s libraries, as she was fascinated by the region’s history. The castle she lived in was ancient and large, making her passionately study all she could about it with keen interest. She kept up her physical exercises and even some basic swordplay she had been taught as a child by her tutors with her family, simply to make sure she didn’t forget her former identity.

However, she sometimes wondered why she bothered. As a courtesan, while she had plenty of free time to do what she wanted, she did not have anything to look forward to. Her worth only lasted while she remained young and pretty; afterwards, if she was deemed acceptable, she could become a maid. Sometimes courtesans could be given to other lords as gifts, but it was quite the rare occurrence.

Sola-Ui herself, who was well over thirty, kept her status as a courtesan mainly because her face looked younger, but also because the High Lord usually talked solely to her and rarely to the other courtesans, leaving it to Sola-Ui to relay his messages and therefore making her act somewhat as a leader among them.

The only role of the courtesans was to entertain the guests during the dinners, and if requested, follow them to their rooms. It was less frequent, but some of the men sometimes asked for an escort through the small nearby city, and the courtesans would be their guides. Even though they did not leave the castle often, they were usually surprisingly knowledgeable about what happened in the villages and cities, mainly through the servants. Arturia was allowed to go there during the day a few times per month by herself, but she had never been asked to be a daytime companion.

The status of a courtesan was in the end rather odd to define. They didn’t have to care about household duties – even though sometimes, out of curiosity and sincere desire to help, Arturia did indeed oversee them together with Sola-Ui – but only about the satisfaction of the guests the High Lord deemed worthy.

At the same time, while they were supposed to be in their beds when requested, they weren’t prostitutes. Prostitutes would have been paid for their services; courtesans simply had a place to live in, regular meals and free time, during which they could become accomplished, as they had books at their disposal.

Sometimes, even though not very often, Arturia wondered if there wouldn’t have been more dignity in being paid for spreading their legs rather than it being considered an obvious _duty_. Because even though they could enjoy considerable freedom, in the end they were still bound to the High Lord, and if they did something – anything – that wasn’t considered suitable for their position, they would lose his favour. And the consequences for it were dire, for theirs wasn’t a world of mercy: they would be hanged.

But Arturia knew that she was also being unfair in solely considering the dangers. Or, rather than unfair, she was being pessimistic, and while she couldn’t deny that she indulged in such thoughts not infrequently, there were also positives she should remember.

She had been taken from her family, kept alive in spite of them being declared traitors, and given the opportunity to grow up as a courtesan. Of course her destiny wasn’t the one written in the stars she had been told about as a child, but if she was honest with herself, she didn’t know if it would have been better than the one she had now, as she would have probably been married off to whoever her family decided would make an advantageous match.

Her overall situation as a courtesan truly wasn’t bad, especially considering that she could have suffered a much worse fate because of her family’s sins. She was not requested in the guests’ bed as often as her fellow courtesans; she knew it was because of her unusual looks – no one else had green eyes – and her serious appearance, which made her seem less enticing than the others, but as long as there weren’t complaints about her, it wasn’t a problem. Even though there were parties almost every night, she could often go through several weeks without having to be in anyone’s bed but her own.

She also knew that she had been incredibly lucky: contrary to other courtesans, she had never been with men who had tried to beat her or force her into other, rougher sexual acts that would have hurt her. While she did not enjoy sex, she was relieved that she had never had to go beyond lying down and let whatever man it was enter her body and find satisfaction. She hadn’t been asked to ever use her mouth or engage in other activities she had only heard of either. In fact, she wasn’t even used to kissing, only having experienced some clumsy, sloppy pressure against her lips occasionally, which had disgusted her immensely.

Indeed, Arturia considered, she was quite lucky to be the courtesan of the powerful High Lord. She was not mistreated and, while she had no future and no prospect to look forward to, she had time to herself and she had the companionship – almost the friendship – of women who were in her same situation.

…

~oooOooo~

…

Five years passed after her fifteenth birthday, making her become used to such a life; but everything changed when a grander party than usual was announced.

…

~oooOooo~

…

Following the High Lord’s instructions, Sola-Ui told the courtesans to make an extra effort in their appearance; the cooks were ordered to prepare the best possible meals, in particular to indulge in cooking what they called ‘heavenly food’, which usually made the guests ‘happier’; the servants were required to make every single room spotless clean.

As Arturia soon learned from the other courtesans, a special guest was arriving, a foreign lord from a neighbouring country who was going to stay for a few months. He was apparently very rich, even richer than the High Lord and, oddly enough, was said to be in a more powerful position than him; everyone referred to him as ‘King’, even though he technically wasn’t one. He was apparently used to the best of the best, and for some reason, the High Lord wanted to make a very good impression on him and flatter him as much as possible.

As soon became known thanks to the power of gossip, this King had a strong army; contrary to their lands, his region was more military-oriented. Since his borders were right next to their small city, the High Lord wanted not only to negotiate some matters regarding the two neighbouring lands, but he also wanted – and probably needed – to remain on his good side. Furthermore, if he managed to do that, it was likely he would also gain some more concrete trading advantages by having such a powerful ally.

At first, Arturia had been interested in the news solely for the novelty of them, to break through the dullness of the past months, which had become slightly repetitive during the dinner parties. Even when she was not requested for the night, she had to attend them, and they couldn’t help becoming tedious after a while.

She had started to study every guest – and the High Lord himself – carefully, listening to their conversations and observing their body language, to make the evenings less dreary, and that had indeed provided her with material for thought and distracted her from the irritation of not being able to study or exercise her body in the meantime. Listening attentively during dinners had given her a surprising insight to governing, as most guests were noblemen as well and often had some matter or the other to discuss with the High Lord.

For some reason, however, she was apprehensive about the upcoming special evening. Well over three months had just gone by without her being in anyone’s bed – her longest record yet – but she had an inexplicable sense of foreboding.

She fervently hoped to be wrong; she was reluctant to play her demure role during the evening already, and she certainly wasn’t looking forward to also being the nightly entertainment of a supposed _King_.

When the guest arrived, the High Lord greeted him with much more formality and show of riches than Arturia had ever seen on his part. She noticed that the King did not seem particularly impressed though, and simply nodded briefly at the High Lord, who immediately offered him a seat before indicating for the courtesans to come forward, the youngest in front. While the guests ate, the courtesans customarily sat at a table in front of them, eating as well but mostly being at disposal for small talk and sultry glances.

Arturia’s sense of foreboding was confirmed when she saw a spark of something she would have almost called _eagerness_ appear in his blood red eyes when the courtesans came forward, and the King let them travel quickly over the women in front of him.

His expression seemed indolent and he looked at the courtesans lazily, but she had a feeling that it was just an act on his part, admittedly a very believable one.

She became fully certain that it was a carefully built mask however when his gaze finally landed on her and, the moment he met her green eyes, his crimson ones flashed with so much unexpected yearning that she felt herself stiffen.

He stared directly at her for several long seconds, completely ignoring everything and everyone else, until he finally turned towards the High Lord when he addressed him, and his mask of disinterest was back in place.

It was then that Arturia remembered her place and lowered her eyes. She was a courtesan; she should not have stared at the guest so directly, and she knew that she was usually capable of controlling herself.

She was careful to keep her gaze on the food for the rest of the dinner, not looking up even once, but it did not help: she could feel the foreigner watching her the entire time.

She silently took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. She now knew whose bed she was going to be in later in the night.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	2. I saw the darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really expect so much enthusiasm for this fic :P I'm happy you seem to be enjoying it so far though ;)  
> I forgot to specify that by regular updates I meant every three days ;) unless real life interferes of course... :)

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

When the High Lord liberally offered the King one or more of his courtesans for the night, Arturia could not help looking up, and wasn’t truly surprised when she immediately met the blood red eyes belonging to the stranger.

“Her,” he said, indicating Arturia without the slightest hesitation. “ _Only_ her.”

This was a bit surprising for the High Lord, she could tell; usually, when noblemen of high importance came there, they chose several courtesans for the night, to take turns or just to be able to enjoy themselves more. The King did not seem to care about his surprise though, and simply turned around to leave the room.

Arturia stood up, curtsying before leaving through the other exit. The courtesans’ quarters were closer than the guests’ ones if she used the right corridors, and it would give her more than enough time to remove her dinner clothes and change into the silvery black robe she only wore on those occasions. She could tie it in the front and wear nothing else underneath; it was practical, easy to remove and easy to put back on, therefore perfect for the nights in which she had to pleasure the guests.

She knew what lavish room he had been given and, as expected, found it empty when she reached it. She was well aware of the fact that an entire apartment had been readied for his personal use, but as far as she was concerned, she was only going to see – and be in – his bed.

There was now going to be an evening of faking her pleasure to get things over with as rapidly as possible in order to be able to go to sleep, that was all. She was rather tired, having had to help with the preparations for the guest’s arrival the entirety of the previous week, therefore she was looking forward to being able to retire.

She remembered she had not prepared herself and sighed inwardly as she brought her fingers between her legs, knowing that, no matter how mortifying it was to do so, if she didn’t do it then the unpleasant stretching that was to come was going to hurt. It had been almost four months since she had last been with anyone, and whoever it was had been drunk, collapsing on top of her within a few minutes, which hardly made for a pleasant recollection.

She had just put her robe back in place, covering her bare breasts, when the door opened behind her.

Turning around slowly, she was mildly taken aback by the fact that the King wasn’t undressed yet, but then pushed the thought aside. As a courtesan, she knew it was her duty to take the clothes off the guests herself if they happened not to have taken care of them already.

He advanced towards her, his eyes never leaving her face except for a brief flicker down to stare at her robe, but Arturia did not let it faze her. King or not, she was not going to let herself be intimidated by him.

He stopped in front of her. Her fingers automatically went to divest him from his garments, and she thought she saw a brief flash of surprise in his eyes when she removed them within seconds, with practised ease. Her hands lingered on his exposed skin, noticing in spite of herself that he had an extremely muscular and well-built body.

Not losing her focus, she slowly walked back towards the bed, pulling him with her lightly, her touch filled with nothing but politeness even though, she knew from experience, often mistaken for fervour. The sooner she got this over with, the sooner she could go get a good night of sleep.

He was looking at her with a strange expression and, while she could see him harden in front of her eyes, having removed all his clothes, he did not seem pleased. She briefly wondered about it, but then shook it off.

She just needed to make him find release; the fact that he was an uncommonly good-looking man whom she couldn’t decipher was not relevant for her task.

As soon as the bed stopped her legs’ steps, she brought her hands up, untying the knot in front of her robe.

The King’s hands came up suddenly, grabbing her wrists firmly and preventing her from divesting herself.

She stared at him warily, confused and startled.

“Your name… is Saber?” he asked, leaning forward and looking into her eyes intently, in spite of the darkness of the room.

Her eyebrows knitted together briefly, not knowing what the strange note in his tone meant, then she merely nodded.

“Saber?” he repeated, staring at her very carefully.

Arturia nodded again, her wariness growing by the second. However, she considered briefly the fact that he was a foreigner; did he perhaps speak a different language in his lands and was therefore having difficulties in pronouncing her name easily?

Taking advantage of his slightly looser grip, her fingers untied the robe and pushed it off her shoulders, watching it pool at her feet.

The next instant, she was on the bed, on her back, and the King’s arms were around her, touching and caressing her body. He was leaning over her, and he brought his mouth to her neck, kissing her along her jawline eagerly.

She inwardly let out a breath of relief. Even though his insistence regarding her name had been strange, he was like any of the others: unable to hold back when seeing a naked woman.

His mouth found hers, kissing her out of her personal thoughts. It wasn’t necessarily an unpleasant sensation, but certainly one she wasn’t accustomed to, as her previous experiences had mostly disgusted her. This time, it strangely wasn’t disgusting, but it wasn’t enjoyable either.

She had an idea of what he might want though, therefore parted her lips, allowing him access.

She did not feel any pleasure as his tongue entered her mouth, she only noticed that he tasted of wine. She had never been too fond of wine, yet she couldn’t help taking notice of the fact that, whatever wine he had drunk at dinner, it was exquisite.

She also felt somewhat reassured by the taste of wine: it meant that he wasn’t sober, therefore she would have less trouble in bringing him where she wanted him to be.

Wanting to speed things up, she brought her arms to his sides, to touch him and then to be wrapped around him, pulling his muscular body down to hers. It was a shame that he of all people had to be gifted with such an impressive body, but in the end, he was like any other man who had fucked her: they all wanted release, nothing else.

He was already throbbing against her leg. Good, at least this was going to be easy.

He pulled back from the kiss and she felt him stare at her intently once again in the darkness as he slowly slid inside her. As usual, she closed her eyes, feigning bliss while in truth she merely felt relief at the lack of pain.

She felt several ghosts of pleasure as he thrust inside her, more than she recalled having ever felt before, but they were brief and fleeting, and she simply kept playing her usual part. She let out moans and pants of fake pleasure at the right moments and made sure to tighten her walls around him regularly.

He sped up and, guessing that he was near the edge, she moaned a little louder and squeezed her insides tightly around him, allowing her eyes to roll back, pretending she had found her own release before forcing her body to relax and not move around anymore.

She was however dismayed when she felt him being still completely hard inside her, and her alarm grew when she realized that he hadn’t come at all yet.

Her eyes snapped open.

He was panting, but only slightly, and was leaning over her, resting on his forearms, staring directly at her. His expression was deadpan, but his eyes held a mixture of odd amusement and smugness.

With a strange feeling of sudden dread, Arturia realized that she had been mistaken. He definitely _wasn’t_ drunk.

“Impressive acting. I could have almost been fooled.” He leaned closer to her face, shifting slightly inside her, his breath hot on her cheek. “ _Saber._ ”

He had seen through her act.

He _knew_ she was faking.

 _He had_ _found her out_.

It was however the way in which he pronounced her name that sent her into a panic.

The word that had become her name ever since the High Lord had taken her in had left his lips with such scorn and derision that Arturia’s eyes went wide in absolute shock. A deep, visceral fear that she had thought she had suppressed the day she had forsaken her former identity clawed its way back inside her.

She had no idea if the man currently buried inside her was in any way connected to her past, but the fact that he had been able to read through her so easily, especially in bed and during sex, was a development she was completely unprepared to face.

Her mind went blank, and her sudden panic made her act on simple instinct.

Pushing at his shoulders with unexpected strength, she shoved him off her, making him fall to the floor before he could even realize what was happening. The next instant, she had stood up from the bed, taken her robe, enveloped it around herself and rushed to the door.

She briefly looked back over her shoulder. The foreign King was already standing up from the floor, but Arturia did not give him the time to say or do anything, not even to meet her eyes.

She quickly grasped for the door handle, pulled it down and fled the room as fast as she could.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	3. Those stars are still white

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

After bolting from the guest’s apartments in such a shameful manner, Arturia closed herself in her own room. She was not able to get even a wink of sleep that night, too terrified by the possibility of the foreign King coming to drag her back to his room, or worse, demand her head for the insult, which was well within his power to do.

She did not know for sure what kind of consequences she would suffer for what she had done. She could even be hanged for treason, for having refused a guest when he had specifically requested her.

Out of all the outcomes she could have pictured in her mind, however, none came close to reality.

After a sleepless night, once she cautiously left her rooms in the morning to go to the kitchens, she met the High Lord there, who had been looking for her.

He usually never sought out the courtesans personally unless he wanted to sleep with them, but instead of wanting to punish her, as Arturia half-expected, he astonished her by being full of praises for her. The foreign King had apparently met him for breakfast a short while before and had requested to have her _again_ the following night. The High Lord was extremely elated by the fact that one of his courtesans had been able to entertain the important guest so well that he now wanted her again.

Arturia bowed her head and accepted the praise with a neutral expression, but inside, her heart was racing.

The King had not told the High Lord anything of what had truly happened. That meant that, come evening, she was going to have to go to his apartment again. She knew she did not have a choice in the matter; she had been lucky enough to leave them without repercussions once, but she knew that it wasn’t going to happen a second time.

It was rather likely that he was going to want to finish what they had started the previous night, which made Arturia fight against her rising panic again. She had never enjoyed sex, but being able to always be in control of the situation with her practiced fake release had made it bearable. Now that she knew that the trick would not work, she was in unknown territory.

And if what she had seen so far was of any indication, the man she was dealing with didn’t like to put his cards on the table and seemed to _delight_ being in control, which only made the entire situation more difficult.

Arturia mentally gave herself a slap, feeling ashamed of her cowardice. Her behaviour was pitiful, and she should get a hold of herself instead of distressing herself uselessly.

The previous night, she had panicked; she wasn’t going to do that again. Whatever expected her, no matter how humiliating it was probably going to be, she would face it with her head held high.

…

~oooOooo~

…

When she entered his bedroom, he was already there, dressed in nightclothes, standing next to the bed. His eyes were studying her with the same intensity she had seen in them the night before. This time she could also see it more clearly because he had kept the candles on.

After debating with herself briefly, Arturia had decided to wear her robe. While she would have liked to have something that provided a bigger shield between her and this strange King, she was well aware of the fact that it was almost certain that she would be naked before long, therefore there was no point in donning a more complicated attire.

Closing the door behind herself, she advanced without hesitation. She was cautious of course, but she wasn’t going to back down because of her apprehension. She had already panicked once, she wasn’t going to do it _twice_.

Therefore, she held his gaze firmly.

A slow smirk appeared on the King’s lips but, even though that increased her wariness, Arturia did not stop and kept walking until she was standing in front of him.

He took a step forward, but not towards her; he walked around her to reach the door, locking it with a deliberately loud sound.

Seemingly ignoring her, he went to a table near the bed, where she noticed a pitcher filled with wine. He poured himself a glass before glancing at her. He wordlessly indicated another empty glass, a slightly questioning look on his face.

Arturia frowned, very briefly. If she understood this correctly, he had just offered her… a drink? After a brief hesitation, she shook her head. Even though it might have been of help to deal with the current unknown situation, she did not want to consume any alcohol.

He actually looked rather amused and simply sipped on his own glass, going back to ignoring her once again. He reached one of the recliners, leisurely taking a seat on it.

Arturia waited a few minutes, then she finally spoke.

“You asked for me?” she questioned, a note of impatience in her voice.

She knew it was not wise to speak to a foreign guest – not to mention one who held the same authority as a _King_ – in such a manner. However, since her actions from the previous evening were already enough for him to demand a death sentence, there wasn’t much of a point in attempting not to worsen the situation. If she was going to die, she wasn’t going to hold back in the last moments of her life.

His unnatural crimson eyes came to rest upon her and weighed her in silence for a while. She felt her entire skin burning, but she refused to lower her gaze, as a demure courtesan should have done.

He smirked slowly, seemingly pleased with her boldness.

“There is no rush, but you might as well start explaining yourself,” he told her, taking another sip from his glass.

She stared at him in confusion, narrowing her eyes slightly, and he visibly held back a sigh.

“You will explain your behaviour from last night,” he clarified with some annoyance. It was odd to notice though that he seemed to be more annoyed at having to tell her this rather than at what she had done the previous evening.

Again, she could do nothing but keep staring at him. How was it possible that he was not angered by her pushing him off her and running from his rooms?

“Why didn’t you say anything to the High Lord?” she blurted out before she could stop herself. “Your Highness,” she added, realizing she should address him with a little more formality and politeness.

He frowned, now with some true annoyance showing on his face, and his eyes examined her briefly.

“First of all, you will change the way you speak to me, as it’s not befitting your position, nor your intelligence. But most importantly, you have no right to expect any answers from me – not until you’ve explained yourself, and even then, _I_ will determine whether your questions are deserving of my attention.” His eyes flashed at her dangerously. “Now. What made you decide to run away from this room like a coward?”

She flinched at the cold tone of accusation in his voice, feeling slightly insulted at the same time, even though there was truth in what he said. Not knowing how to reply, she started to address the first issue he had brought up.

“I’m not aware of the appropriate way to speak to you… my lord.” She managed to keep her voice even, but just barely.

He raised an eyebrow, his wine glass twirling in his hand.

“Do you even know my name?” he bluntly questioned.

Surprised, Arturia automatically shook her head after a second of hesitation. She had only ever heard people refer to him as ‘King’; even the High Lord addressed him as ‘Your Highness’. And besides, ever since she had realized that she was going to be in his bed, she hadn’t felt the slightest interest in his identity; she had only meant to add him to the endless list of her nameless sex partners.

His lips curled into another smirk, but there was something strange in it this time, an emotion she couldn’t quite identify and that he wasn’t allowing her to read in his eyes.

“Gilgamesh,” he said, imperiousness back in his tone. “You will use my name without any of those hollow titles.”

This surprised her even more, and Arturia eyed him carefully, her wariness making her body stiffen slightly. The name was clearly foreign, but it strangely did not feel unfamiliar to her, even though she couldn’t understand why; what was the most puzzling, however, was the fact that he so explicitly wanted her to call him that, without any title.

She didn’t quite know what to make of this development, therefore she opted for simply giving him a somewhat wary nod.

He seemed satisfied by it and took another sip of his wine.

Her mind focused again on the other question he had asked her. She tensed slightly; she did not have an answer to give him that wouldn’t be humiliating to admit, but she couldn’t back down.

She _wouldn’t_ back down, but she wouldn’t tell him the entire truth either.

“I was tired,” she began slowly, her voice coming out as steady as she expected it to be. “I wanted to leave as soon as possible. When my attempts to do that didn’t work, I… panicked. I didn’t think of the consequences of what I was doing, and left as quickly as I could.”

He stood up from the recliner, finishing his wine glass and putting it on the table next to the bed.

“So you ran because you were afraid.” The tone was neutral, no derision in it, contrary to what she had expected. “That is true, and I could see that for myself. But as for the rest, you are _lying_.”

She managed to keep still and he took advantage of it to come closer to her.

“You will tell me the truth,” he breathed next to her cheek. His tone became piercing. “ _Why were you faking?_ ”

She recoiled from him, unconsciously trying to take a step back, but his hands clamped down around her wrists, yanking her forward and trapping her against him.

“Are you still tired?” he asked, with a completely different tone.

Arturia stared at him, astonished. _What…?_

“I asked you a question, therefore answer me with honesty,” he went on, his voice flat, even though his hands were still holding her wrists tightly.

She pondered over this briefly. She was trapped; answering this new question was certainly better than answering the previous one. She had not slept that night and she had already been tired the day before; therefore, she nodded silently, giving him her honest answer.

He released her and took a step back. His hand pointed to the bed.

“Sleep then.”

There was nothing sexual in the way he said that, which only made things weirder. But when she realized that he was completely serious, Arturia gaped at him, astounded. She had no idea what was going on.

“Wha–” she was starting to say, confused, but he interrupted her with a sigh that he did not bother holding back this time.

“The main purpose of a bed is to provide a comfortable place to sleep in,” he informed her in a flat monotone. “The fact that you are tired cannot be denied, therefore go find your rest. And when you wake up,” his eyes flashed with a slightly ominous light, “you have all the time you want to tell me what I want to know.”

She just stared at him as he walked back to the recliner after filling his glass again. She could not wrap her head around what had just occurred.

“You… Are you advising me to get some sleep before confronting me for my actions last night?” she finally said, pronouncing every word slowly.

He took a sip from his wine and a smirk appeared on his face again.

“That’s not exact. I’m _ordering_ you to sleep before I get the truth out of you.” His smirk widened. “The door is locked, and I have a full pitcher of remarkable wine to keep me entertained while you sleep.” Seeing her still suspicious gaze, he sat down on the recliner. “The bed is free, expecting you.”

She didn’t like being ordered around; she disliked his condescension in flippantly telling her what to do; but she didn’t have much of a choice. Rigidly, keeping an eye on his movements just in case, she reached the bed, sitting down on it. As she did so, the robe parted slightly, exposing one of her legs inadvertently.

She saw how his eyes were immediately drawn to her visible skin, and she stiffened. He may be an odd man, who was capable of reading her with an ease she had never met in other people, but he was still a man like all the others, and seeing some skin was enough to distract him. How pathetic.

Slipping under the covers, taking care to hide her body from the roaming eyes she could feel on herself, Arturia was surprised to find out that the bed was extremely comfortable. She heard his chuckle and whirled her head around to stare at him.

He was smirking at her again.

“You were so focused on faking your pleasure last night that you didn’t even realize how comfortable the bed is.”

His statement was so accurate that she almost felt the desire to bolt from the room again, but managed to suppress the sudden urge to flee this time. Thankfully, he did not seem to notice and went back to sipping his wine.

After a few seconds, she turned away from him, trying her hardest to think about what she knew of the foreign King.

Aside from good food and occasionally good wine, what he probably wanted was a good orgasm, as that was what most men wanted. He must have been disappointed to not have had the latter the previous night; yet his behaviour remained a mystery to her. She knew that none of the other courtesans had been called to his rooms and he had not tried to touch her again this evening.

Instead of taking her by force after seeing right through her façade – _while_ having sex with her – or simply finding another woman to achieve physical satisfaction, he had made her come to his room to _sleep_. And not just that: he claimed he wanted to know the _reason_ for her behaviour.

It was completely nonsensical.

Shifting slightly in the bed, Arturia managed to carefully find a position that hid her face from him but allowed her to study him undisturbed, something she intended to take full advantage of.

The previous night, she had not truly looked at him, only distractedly noticing that he had a remarkably muscular body. Now that she had leisure to observe him without the concern of having to bring him to release, she could not deny that she had been quite superficial in her initial assessment of him: he was an _almost sinfully_ handsome man.

It was actually sad to realize that she had always been so focused on doing her unpleasant duty as quickly as possible that she had never allowed herself to take notice of anything else… exactly as he had pointed out just a few seconds before.

Angered at herself for such pointless thoughts, Arturia shifted again, making sure she could not see him anymore.

Whether she liked it or not, she was indeed tired and, since she wasn’t going to find out her destiny before morning anyway, she might as well try to sleep.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	4. If I raised my hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Christy for listening and helping out with this part of the fic ;)

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

When she woke up, it was because the room was much brighter than it had been when she had fallen asleep, making her realize that several hours must have gone by. Blinking a couple of times, she shifted, bringing herself to a sitting position.

It was morning; she had slept soundly through the night, and she had done so in the guest’s rooms.

Feeling eyes on her, she turned her head warily, only to meet the crimson eyes of the man who had locked her in there with him and who was now looking at her in mild amusement from the other side of the room.

She blinked – hadn’t he slept at all?

Before she could find out the answer to that question, he gestured towards two small trays she hadn’t noticed next to the bed. One held food, the other hot water in a small hand basin. She glanced back at him questioningly.

He sighed, obviously annoyed, and told her, “Don’t think that I didn’t notice how you barely touched your food at dinner. Eat.”

Still a bit sleepy, Arturia obeyed the order without question this time. She _was_ hungry, after all, therefore she did her best to ignore his piercing eyes that followed her every movement.

Once she had emptied the food tray – at astonishing speed – and had dried her face after washing it quickly, he came forward to sit down on his recliner, staring at her. She noticed that he must have moved it during the night, as it was much closer to the bed now.

She stared back at him, holding his gaze levelly.

“Explain yourself,” he simply said, his voice calm.

This time, she was slightly surprised when she realized that the tone wasn’t that of an order. He expected an answer, but he had not ordered her to give him one. The difference was small, but it was there nonetheless.

She considered her situation briefly. He had the power to end her life with a word, and if he were to tell the High Lord what she had done during the first night in his rooms, she would be hanged. This meant that she had the luxury to be honest, since it would not change her destiny either way.

“I’m a courtesan,” she told him bluntly and, before she even realized it fully, her words started tumbling out. “My duty is to give the guests pleasure and make them reach release by means of my body. They often feel more satisfied with themselves if they believe they are making me feel pleasure too, therefore I try to make them think that.”

He didn’t seem taken aback by her admission, which made her suspect that he had already guessed as much, but she still did not like his contemplative and assessing eyes on her.

After several long, silent moments, he unexpected inquired, “Why do you not simply enjoy the pleasure that can be found in bed then?”

She hadn’t broken the gaze they were exchanging yet, and she wasn’t about to. She would have probably avoided the following reply, had she been with anyone else; but here, with this man, she had nothing to lose.

“I have never felt it,” she flatly confessed. “And since I never have, I have no choice but to fake it.”

Something strange, intense and powerful, but too fast to be decipherable, flashed through his eyes, and he sat a little straighter for a moment. His crimson eyes were glinting, emotions she couldn’t recognize filling them as he studied her attentively.

Then he suddenly found his composure again, everything perplexing disappearing from his expression, hidden by an impenetrable mask of boredom. The fact that she was able to see that it was a mask meant however that, whatever his real emotions were, he was having a hard time in controlling them.

“Very well. It’s no longer night, and I have many matters that require my attention. You may leave.”

And with that, he stood up, turning away from her.

Arturia almost gaped, managing to just barely control herself. Was this it? Was he dismissing her without anything else? What about the High Lord…?

But she had a distinctive feeling that even if she were to ask, he wouldn’t reply. She still didn’t know whether he would tell anything to the High Lord – and therefore end her life – yet she had another distinctive feeling that he did not wish for her death. At least for the time being; if she did anything else to defy him, it was impossible to guess whether he would change his mind.

Trusting her feelings was something that wasn’t usual for her to do, and from a logical point of view, not very wise either; but she didn’t have much of a choice.

Still wearing her robe – which she hadn’t taken off the whole night, to her own mild surprise – she leaned down to pick up the trays, but stopped when he spoke again.

“What are you doing?”

Straightening herself with both trays in her hands, she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Cleaning up after myself, as there’s no need to call the servants for this. Have a pleasant day…” She hesitated, but only a fraction of a second. “…Gilgamesh.”

She decided she didn’t want to find out his reaction at her calling him by his name – as he had asked himself, to be fair – and reached the door, leaving the room rapidly.

Taking the trays to the kitchens, Arturia briefly wondered if she was being too optimistic and was going to be executed within a few days anyway. Thoughts of that kind plagued her mind the entire day, making her unable to focus on the books she tried to read, on her physical exercises, and even on the questions some of the courtesans asked her about the King.

She had never been one for sharing what she did with the guests, contrary to some of the other women. She knew however that, since the guest was a special one and had requested her so specifically – and for two nights in a row, not to mention the fact that she hadn’t left his rooms for the entirety of the second night – she was going to be questioned. However, she did not offer any answers, and the courtesans soon understood that she wasn’t going to say anything.

The more she thought about it, the more Arturia started to suspect that there were pieces of the puzzle that she was missing. The King had requested her in his rooms again after what she had done on the first night, and not only had he made her sleep – strictly sleep – _in his bed_ , he had also let her go without a word after listening to her offering an explanation for her behaviour. He had even given her breakfast! And so far, he wasn’t inflicting any punishment on her for running from his rooms, nor had he reported her offensive conduct to the High Lord.

It made absolutely no sense, unless something was going on, something she wasn’t aware of.

When in the evening, after dinner, the King uncompromisingly indicated for her to come to his rooms again, she knew it for certain: something was _definitely_ going on, at least on his part.

It also seemed that, whether she liked it or not, whatever this mystery was about, she was going to play an important role in it.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	5. Surely become a storm

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

Out of habit, Arturia had worn her robe, but she wasn’t truly surprised when the King gave no sign of wanting to remove it from her body. He was sitting on his recliner again, sipping on his wine, which seemed to be something he truly enjoyed.

Still standing in the middle of the room, she studied him carefully. Her life kept being in his hands; all he had to do was say one word to the High Lord, and she would be dead. That meant that she didn’t have much to lose, if anything at all.

However, when she was about to open her mouth to start asking him some questions, he anticipated her with a question of his own.

“What kind of a man is the High Lord?”

Taken aback, she stared at him, blinking a few times. She could feel herself tense when she realized the implications of him asking something like that.

“If you want to know the answer to that question,” she replied at length, “why are you asking _me?_ ”

A small smirk appeared on his lips, his following words being unexpected.

“You aren’t a fool,” he said nonchalantly. “During dinners, you listen to everything. You must have met many other lords – in more ways than one,” he added, his eyes going up and down her body briefly, “therefore you must be knowledgeable about how the High Lord usually conducts himself and how different that is compared to his behaviour towards me. Furthermore, you are likely to have some more insight about the projects he illustrated tonight.”

Arturia’s hands almost clenched into fists at the casual way in which he mentioned her status as a courtesan, but she controlled herself in time. She knew her brow had furrowed slightly in spite of her efforts though.

Releasing a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding, she scrutinized him, before saying evenly, “I have no love for the High Lord, but that doesn’t mean I will betray him.”

To her slight shock, the King – Gilgamesh, she reminded herself – nodded, his smirk widening into a grin.

“I didn’t expect you to, it’s not in your nature.” Not giving her time to feel confused about that strange statement, he went on with a small sigh, “I’m not asking you to spill his secrets, just to answer my questions regarding his honesty.”

That was something she supposed was rather fair. She knew that what the High Lord had suggested during dinner would involve people from the King’s lands, and from what she had understood, Gilgamesh – she _had_ to start using his name more easily – was very reluctant to do that unless he had some reassurances first.

She pondered over this briefly, and then decided to speak, even though she was going to be careful with her words.

“I’ve never heard the High Lord talk about this project before tonight,” she said slowly. “But when he said that the cost for the construction of the new water pipes would be minimal, he wasn’t telling the truth.”

She saw him raise an eyebrow at her as he stood up, giving her an odd look.

“Are you familiar with the cost of architectural structures?”

She shook her head, meeting his eyes again.

“I’m not. But I know when the High Lord is lying by looking at him.” Deliberately, she held his gaze with something close to brazenness. “I know when he’s lying. I know his body well.”

Something flashed through his crimson eyes, but she refused to lower her green ones, defiantly looking at him during the tense silence that followed. She noticed that his arrogant grin had disappeared.

She was well aware of the fact that he was going to think that she was referring to her sexual experiences, and she did not bother correcting him. She knew when the High Lord lied because she had observed his body language closely during the past few months, not because she was familiar with him in bed, but Gilgamesh did not need – nor did he have the _right_ – to be told that.

For some reason, her words seemed to have soured his mood, but she didn’t care.

Eventually, he slowly inquired, “Why did you tell me this?”

She didn’t give him a reply and merely asked back, “Is there anything else you want from me?”

It was his turn to ignore her question, and he turned away from her to refill his wine glass.

Undeterred, she put forth another question. “Why did you not touch me last night?”

He turned around, putting his now empty glass on the table, his darker mood seemingly gone. He came closer to her, and to her surprise, he lightly touched her wrist, gently and leisurely caressing her skin.

Perplexed and slightly wary, she stared at her wrist, which he was now holding in his grasp without force.

She could see him sigh briefly, something startlingly close to sadness appearing in his expression.

“ _This_ is the reason,” he replied, studying her face intently. “You don’t react to my touch, you don’t _feel_ anything when I caress you, and I won’t touch you unless you do.”

He let go of her wrist with a small frown, and she was only able to give him a look filled with disbelief.

“Is that all?” Her voice was incredulous. “Why would you care about that? And either way, if I’m not able to provide you with what you want, I’m not the only courtesan here. Many more beautiful and certainly more eager than me are present.”

He snapped his head up to stare at her, his eyes blazing with such a sudden fury that she almost took a step back.

“I will not have anyone but you. I made that clear from the start.”

Not even listening to his second sentence, Arturia’s green eyes filled with a cold and even slightly disdainful look when he said those words. Of course he would want her; by being unresponsive, she had become his challenge, a battle he needed to win in order to ‘conquer’ her.

Unexpectedly, he started to laugh. She had not said anything, but he seemed to be able to read her mind as he kept chuckling.

“You believe I have decided to make you my prize?” Her eyes widened slightly at his accurate statement. “You honestly believe I intend to seduce you for whatever virility trial I’m supposed to need to win?”

He suddenly sobered up, giving her a level-headed look. “I don’t know what kind of men you’re used to meeting, but they must have certainly altered your perception of human emotions.”

Arturia was not sure what it was about his sentence, but there was something in it that froze her. The same panic she had felt the day before, the sensation that he could somehow see right through her with little to no effort was incredibly frightening.

“Why… why do you speak as if you know me?” she breathed, her voice surprisingly hoarse.

There was again a flash of something odd in his eyes, but he merely smirked once more. She could see, however, that it was a mask again.

“You may leave,” he said in the end. “I will see you tomorrow.”

And before she could pull back, he was in front of her, leaning down in order to brush his lips against hers in a sudden, brief kiss.

She turned away from him, leaving his rooms without another word, her heart beating slightly faster than normal.

Perhaps, just perhaps, she had felt something this time.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	6. As long as we go ahead desiring

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

She was doing her best to give up on trying to understand the strange behaviour of the mysterious King.

She knew that he was probably hiding something from her, but she did not understand what his purpose was. If what he was hiding was dangerous for her, it made little sense for him to be so secretive about it; after all, he could have her executed for her behaviour in his chambers, and nothing could be more harmful to her than that.

Despite her utmost efforts though, questions kept dancing in her mind the whole morning, making it hard to concentrate on anything. She wasn’t however going to be deterred from her objected by her rebellious thoughts: picking up the latest book she had been reading – which was about astronomy – she went to the library, finding it empty. Her notes were exactly where she had left them, and she opened the book where she had stopped a few days earlier, as usual writing down a few words at intervals while she read.

Soon, in spite of her plagued thoughts, the interesting descriptions of gravity and space managed to distract her, at least until a now familiar voice called her.

“Saber.”

Startled, she looked up. If anyone came to look for her, she would have expected it to be one of the maids or one of the courtesans; instead, standing in front of her was Gilgamesh, looking at her with a smirk, obviously amused by her astonishment.

The way he pronounced her name made her realize that he hadn’t addressed her by it at all ever since he had done it on the first night, and the memories of it made her cheeks pink slightly.

The mystery of his presence in the library needed however unravelling first.

“What are you doing here… Gilgamesh?” she therefore asked. She knew she was alone with him, otherwise she probably wouldn’t have been so direct.

He raised an eyebrow, but his amused smirk did not leave his face as he inclined his head to the side a little.

“I told you I would see you today,” he said, his tone matter-of-factly. “Your mistake was to assume I would see you only in the evening.”

His eyes travelled over her book but, while a peculiar look appeared in his eyes, he did not make any comments about what she was reading.

Instead, he extended a hand towards her. “Come walk in the gardens with me.”

It seemed that everything he said was thought out carefully to make her feel more and more confused. However, she couldn’t forget that her role as a courtesan included being at the guests’ disposal at any given time; even though she had never been asked to be with any of them during daytime before, it was something that was within her duties and that she did not have the possibility to refuse.

And, to her surprise, she didn’t have the actual desire to do so in the occasion at present.

Putting a mark in her book before closing it, she stood up and only then accepted to take his hand. He pulled her slightly closer to him, but aside from maintaining that contact between them, he did not try to touch her more.

As they crossed one of the ample balcony doors to go outside, she asked, “Why are you requesting my company during the day?”

A shadow crossed his features, but it was gone in less than a second.

“As I told you…” he paused, and she could clearly see that he was aiming for a dramatic effect, “…I will decide whether or not your questions are deserving of my attention.”

She could not help scowling briefly at that reply, and he smirked at her again, tugging at her hand to make her follow him inside the large gardens.

Arturia had no choice but to briefly forget her irritation at him as she took in the beauty of the gardens she knew so well.

“That is the greenhouse,” she said without thinking, indicating it. “And there is a small lake, surrounded by flowers, on the other side of the building. The most flourishing trees are however on this side–”

She interrupted herself abruptly, realizing she was talking like she did with her fellow courtesans, pointing out the places she thought were worthy of attention. She could see from his expression that he was surprised by her words, but oddly not displeased in the least.

“Go on,” he told her, as if on cue, a spark of interest in his eyes that was – once again – perplexing.

She looked at him for a moment, then shrugged mentally and continued, “On this side the paths are not very visible because the plants grow too fast, but there is one that is carefully kept free for short walks.”

She guided him to the place she had just described, and a beautiful scenery of lush trees surrounding an impressive path suddenly appeared in front of them. To her pleasure, she saw that Gilgamesh looked mildly impressed.

“Not entirely conventional,” was all he brought himself to acknowledge though, and Arturia felt, in spite of her better judgment, a small smile curve her lips.

“It’s even better in fall,” she informed him, her slightly sparkling eyes travelling over the incredible trees around them and the smile still on her face as she took in their beauty. Being such an island of peace and serenity, it was certainly a spot worthy of admiration.

She only came back to the present when she felt someone watching her, and when she met Gilgamesh’s gaze, she was stunned to see his eyes large as he stared directly at her. He looked like someone who had just been hit on the head, and his expression was so odd as to make her almost worried. Her eyebrows knitted together in concern.

Before she could say anything though, she was pulled forward and his fingers caressed her down her arms, making her shiver unexpectedly. Her eyes widened as well as she stared back at him.

Gilgamesh’s mouth landed on hers, but the touch was brief and he pulled back immediately.

“You do respond to my touch sometimes,” he almost marvelled. “You _are_ responding.” Then a new smirk was on his face. “And you even smile.”

To her slight chagrin, she felt her cheeks reddening. She had been admiring the garden and had therefore not realized that, for the first time in front of Gilgamesh – in front of any of the guests, in fact – she had been _smiling_.

And for some reason, he was absolutely delighted to witness it.

While she, on the other hand, was feeling full of confusion because she could not explain her body’s strong reaction to his sudden touch, a reaction she had attempted to stifle but had only partially succeeded in.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	7. What everyone desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, there will be explicit sexual content, or at least, more than before ;)

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

That evening, at his renewed request, she went to his rooms again.

After the tour of the gardens, he had gone to write replies to the various messengers coming from his lands, therefore she had left as well, to go back to the library. The effort she had made to try to concentrate on her studies had been futile though.

When it was time to go to dinner, she was almost relieved. She wanted to stop playing by the rules Gilgamesh had decided to give her, mainly because the entire situation was starting to frustrate her.

If he wanted her dead, he had now had many opportunities to condemn her to that fate, yet he had not used any of them. If his intention was to torment her with this power over her, she would hate it, but she would also be powerless to do anything against it. He had better make clear what he wanted from her, especially since he had told her, once again, that he wanted her in his rooms.

She was wearing her usual robe when she opened the door, but yet again, even though his eyes rapidly glanced her up and down, he made no attempt to remove it from her. He was already holding a goblet filled with what she presumed was the same excellent wine she had tasted in his mouth on the first evening.

This time, she did not give him the time to say anything, and attacked him with a direct question.

“Why didn’t you say anything to the High Lord?”

He did not look surprised by her outburst, nor did he seem fazed in the least. She was slightly taken aback when he actually gave her an answer, no matter the fact that it came out as a question.

“Why should that fool be told anything?”

Her eyebrows rose, but she did not want to let this go, therefore she boldly took a few steps closer to him.

“You have the power to have me hanged,” she informed him flatly. “Yet why hasn’t the High–”

“Do not talk about that mongrel in my presence again,” he interrupted her with a deadly note in his tone, and Arturia held her breath sharply.

He had never displayed such a cold anger before, and something told her that it was far more dangerous to test him on this than on any other subject.

At the same time, she did want to know why she was still alive, therefore she debated with herself on how to proceed.

Before she could make up her mind, however, he took a step forward as well, to now stand right in front of her. His breath reached her cheek as he leaned down, and she fought against an unexpected shiver.

“I won’t answer you,” he stated plainly. “Not now, at least. Not when you are tempting me.”

Her head snapped up to be able to stare into his eyes, but that movement was all he needed to meet her mouth easily in a bruising kiss.

This one was nothing like the previous two times in which he had touched her lips. His fingers caressed her cheek and then grasped her shoulder, pulling her body close to his, all the while he explored her mouth with relentless intensity.

It was hot; it was shocking; it was _overwhelming_ , but nothing she wanted to pull back from. Her whole self was responding to him, unconsciously wanting _more_ , something unknown awakening inside her.

As if he sensed that, his assault deepened, making tingles run down her spine as he pulled her even closer. Her eyes slid shut without her forcing them to.

How was it even possible to feel a person’s desire so strongly through a mere _kiss_ …?

His mouth kept her mind occupied, but not enough for her not to feel his hands travelling down her sides, his touch not coercive but still rather firm as he found her waist, her hips and then her thighs. He clearly wanted to slide between them, and it was a shock to her when she felt a sudden stab of arousal course through her at the thought. It was so shocking, in fact, that she tore her lips away from him, stumbling back a step.

A smirk appeared on his face.

“Your strong reactions,” he sighed, something close to bliss flashing through his eyes. “If only you could see yourself, how wonderfully you respond, how desirable and how stunningly enthralling you are… I now doubt your word when you claim you have never felt pleasure before.”

Panting, Arturia felt the need to take another step back, but forced herself to stay still. She had already panicked once, she had told herself she was not going to do it again; she didn’t know what was happening in that moment, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t deal with.

She had been giving her body to men for their pleasure for years; the fact that, for the first time, she felt her body responding to someone’s touch, _craving_ someone’s touch, while shocking and unexpected, was still something she probably had the ability to face.

How, she certainly didn’t know yet; but she wouldn’t back down from the challenge.

Gilgamesh did not let her be alone with her thoughts for long. His hands were on her waist again, pulling her back into his arms, and his fingers touched her robe, making it obvious that he wished for nothing else but to have the fabric gone. The heated look in his crimson eyes and his slow caresses made her shiver fiercely, and something new appeared in his expression, something that indicated that he was pleased by her reaction. Probably smug as well, she considered, but she was still too engrossed in the new sensations to manage to feel annoyance.

To her surprise and slight confusion, he did not go back to kissing her right away, which was odd, especially since she could clearly read his hunger for her. Instead, his fingers came to touch her face, creating an intricate pattern as they gently lingered on her skin, tracing her cheek, her ear, her neck…

Her eyes almost flickered in uncertainty. This was unexpected and new for her. She stared into his eyes, the crimson eyes that were now incredibly close to hers and were staring back at her raptly.

The way he was looking at her… there was not the simple lust she was used to seeing in almost every man she had been with before, provided they weren’t completely drunk of course. In Gilgamesh’s eyes there was desire, yes, but there was a strange longing too, together with an even stranger elation, as if… as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

She couldn’t wrap her head around it.

All of a sudden, as his lips were hovering over hers, his movements stopped. The only sound that could be heard in the room was her heavy breathing, originated by her almost unconscious feeling of anticipation – another first, now that she thought about it.

“When I kiss you…” he began, his tone low, “…what do you feel?”

For some reason, it was clear that this question was about something extremely important. Arturia was forced to swallow, as the answer was not easy yet she oddly didn’t feel the desire to withhold the information from him.

He was looking at her very, very intently.

“I… feel… _fire_. And… I think I feel _your_ emotions,” she replied, her voice slightly unsteady at the admission.

He came, if possible, even closer.

“And what emotions do you feel?” he pressed her, hands still on her waist, caressing her robe and very consciously prying it away from her covered skin slowly, so slowly as to make it obvious that he wanted to hear her answer first.

She almost arched her back. Almost.

“Desire,” she said, truthfully. “Hunger. Longing. And… sadness…?” she frowned, realizing it as she said it. “I don’t understand…”

His mouth was on hers again, kissing her a little more deeply than before.

“You will,” he promised when he released her, making her eyes widen at the mysteriousness of that sentence. “But not now. Now… you just _feel_.”

He kissed her once more, this time in a succession of light kisses, while at the same time his fingers left her waist to untie her robe and swiftly open it for his viewing pleasure. His hands found her breasts, and Arturia could not stop a strange sound, a mix between a yelp and a moan, from escaping her.

Gilgamesh was now grinning against her mouth when he kissed her again.

“So mesmerizing,” he breathed, making her shiver as renewed desire coursed through her, because she could see that he wasn’t lying or just inventing words to flatter her. His gaze was wandering from her breasts to her swollen lips, only to settle on her hazed green eyes, a look of pure and unadulterated passion in his blood red ones.

His mouth was back to devouring hers again, but it was not enough of a distraction to make her unaware of his movements. He let his hands leave her breasts with some reluctance, making them travel lower, across her stomach and down between her legs, so quickly that she couldn’t think of denying him, and before she fully realized it, one of his fingers was inside her.

This time, she did arch her back, taken by surprise, but her sudden jerk wasn’t enough for him to release his hold on her. His mouth kept trailing fervent kisses along her neck, while one arm was around her waist and his fingers were sliding in and out of her, stroking her unhurriedly.

Almost her full weight was resting on him, and she wondered when they had moved, because he was now sitting on the bed, while her body was draped around him. Her robe was gone too, she noted in a slight daze, also realizing that her cheeks were probably as flushed as the parts of her skin that she was able to see.

His hand kept moving inside her, and her own hands grasped his shoulders to steady herself. He let her lean into him without the slightest objection; his obvious arousal pressed into her leg, making her realize that he was still wearing clothes while she was completely naked.

Her focus was however soon back on his insistent touch. His fingers gently stroke her in a similar manner as she had learned to do when she needed to prepare herself, but instead of being clinical, his movements were slow, leisured, deliberately aiming for pleasure and not for lubrication. A jolt ran through her at the realization, and she felt her gasps becoming louder and more erratic by the second.

Her eyes snapped shut as she suddenly arched again and shook violently, blinding pleasure assaulting her and rippling through her in wave after wave.

Her breath was ragged when she finally managed to open her eyes – only to meet Gilgamesh’s crimson ones staring at her, an arrogantly satisfied but also unexpectedly enraptured expression on his face.

His mouth was on hers, swallowing her breath once more as he leaned over her. She was now lying down on the bed, her trembling body covered in sweat and closely touching his, making her realize that he was now as naked as she was.

To her own surprise, her movements came to her naturally. It was different from her previous experiences, when she had been in control of every shift there was in her muscles, when everything had been studied just to get the desired results. Now, she was not controlling anything and, while it wasn’t something she was entirely comfortable with, it wasn’t something that frightened her either.

She wasn’t feeling wary about opening up to those unknown sensations. She wanted to experience them.

She felt him kiss her because she was kissing him as well, somewhat clumsily, but full of desire at the same time. She opened her body to him because she _wanted_ to feel him inside her.

The world of emotionless sex was completely different from that of sexual pleasure. The former was a chore, a chore she had accepted and studied and learned to perform as something inevitable she just needed to get over with. The latter… was entirely new. Especially when her lover was very keen on not taking his pleasure from her body, but on satisfying her as well, on satisfying desires she hadn’t even known she had.

She hadn’t been aware of the fact that it could feel so electrifying.

Arturia felt him pulse and surge inside her, his arms coming around her body to pull her even closer as his mouth was back to stealing her breath, his insatiable desire permeating her fully. Every nerve ending seemed on fire, tingling with increased sensitivity as she wrapped herself around the man deeply buried inside her.

Her ears picked up on strange, loud sounds, which she belatedly realized were her own moans. She had never produced such sounds before, she felt absolutely certain of it. She would have probably focused more on that consideration, had she not felt pressure and pleasure building up in her again.

When his mouth left hers, travelled down to her pulse point, and _sucked_ , she simply shattered, every bit of coherency leaving her in a long moment of pure release.

As the ecstasy started to fade, leaving her languid and sated, Arturia realized that she was lying in the King’s bed, on her back, with sheets tangled around her legs and his hand on her hip, slowly tracing her skin. She was leaning on a muscular arm, an arm that had held her possessively just a few minutes before as she had been shaking underneath him.

Crimson eyes were regarding her with a very pleased and amused glint in them, but there was also something else she couldn’t quite decipher.

He did not give her the time to think about it though, even as his fingers still caressed her skin.

“So this was the first time you ever felt pleasure in bed.”

It wasn’t a question; it was more like a request for confirmation, and she wasn’t about to try to deny the truth. Not having steadied her breathing yet and not trusting herself to speak, she nodded.

The smugness that radiated off him at her reply was irritating to say the least, but she forgot everything about it when she remembered what she was supposed to do.

She was one of the High Lord’s courtesan, and her duty was to sleep with the guests who requested her. The King had requested her; she had done her duty, therefore she was to leave now, for she had done what she was supposed to do.

She shifted, her body feeling heavier than usual. She also felt a slight, unusual soreness between her legs, together with a stickiness that confirmed that he had indeed found his release inside her.

Feeling very uneasy, Arturia broke the gaze she was still exchanging with the satisfied man lying next to her and slowly sat up.

Before she could retrieve her discarded robe though, a hand grabbed her shoulder.

“Where do you _think_ you are going?” Gilgamesh growled into her ear, making her almost jump out of the bed at the sudden proximity.

He seemed to sense this, because his free arm enveloped her waist in less than a second, pulling her naked body flush against his equally naked form, now sitting up with her.

He made her lie down again, the bed sheets almost inexplicably finding their way around them both.

“Sleep,” he commanded, his arms not having left her and his head coming to rest on top of hers.

Arturia felt suddenly tense and stiff, unable to come to terms with what had just been decided for her.

Even though he had finally slept with her, he was still demanding – knowing that she could not refuse – for her to sleep in his room. _In his bed_ , where he wasn’t just holding her, he was _cradling_ her to him. For no reasonable reason.

She suddenly heard him mumble something in her hair, but she could not make out the word he pronounced. She tilted her head upwards, staring at him inquisitively, but his expression told her that, whatever he had said, it was another question he would not answer.

Even though a wave of tiredness crashed on her, she still scowled at him.

His smirk was back in place, and he adjusted his hold on her, keeping her close to him as his breath slowly evened out.

With no other choice, Arturia eventually let herself fall asleep as well.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	8. Standing in the land of dreams

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

When she woke up in the morning, he was still asleep in the bed next to her.

Had she had the luxury of feeling romantic, or even just relaxed, she would have probably spent some time in observing his sleeping face. Luckily – or unfortunately – for her, she did not allow herself to indulge in any kind of feeling that wasn’t rational once she was fully conscious.

She had slept with the King. Even though he hadn’t let her leave the night before, it was morning now, and she needed to go to the kitchens, as she couldn’t afford to forget the fact that she still had to take the Silent Tea.

Soundlessly reaching for her robe, she left the room to go straight there, greeting the cooks briefly before preparing herself the tea. She noticed how she had some slight difficulty in walking normally, her thighs and hips feeling a bit sore. At least she didn’t have to worry about the King – Gilgamesh – seeking her out during the day, as she knew the High Lord meant to speak with him about the borders again.

Once the cup was in her hands and she was taking slow sips from it, Arturia decided she could attempt to absorb what had happened the evening before. It had been the first time she had felt such pleasure in bed – or just pleasure at all – and more importantly, it had been the first time she had found her own release while being with a guest.

She had never felt so _affected_ while being with anyone; most of the time, it was simply an exercise in concealing her disgust, and occasionally her boredom.

The previous night had been _anything but_ disgusting and boring though.

Finishing drinking from her cup, she debated with herself whether it was necessary and advisable to mention this to another courtesan. Even though she had been a courtesan for a few years now, she was far from being an ‘expert’, which made her relatively unprepared to deal with this development.

After thinking briefly about it though, Arturia decided that it wasn’t a good idea to talk with anyone, as she wouldn’t have had much to say in the first place.

She had simply felt pleasure in bed for the first time; that was hardly a subject worth discussing. And if the King behaved strangely with her, she needed to understand more about it – about _him_ – before being able to talk about it with someone else. Therefore, remembering about the soreness between her legs as soon as she stood up, she went to the courtesans’ private quarters to take a bath. She knew that usually the other courtesans preferred bathing in the evenings, which meant that she was probably going to find the quiet solitude she was looking forward to.

The warm water felt extremely pleasant on her body, and Arturia basked in it for a while. Now being more relaxed, she thought again about what she had decided to do, and confirmed it to herself. There was no need to speak with the other courtesans about what had occurred; experiencing her first – and second – orgasm had felt good, and that was all there was to it. She had already given this far too much thought as it was.

Stepping out of the water and getting dressed, Arturia pushed every thought of Gilgamesh out of her mind, forcing herself to focus solely on her studies for the rest of the day.

In spite of her resolution, her thoughts couldn’t help indulging on the pleasure she had felt under his skilful touch, as well as reflecting on his odd words before he had slept with her.

When it was evening, she was slightly surprised when he requested her again, as she had almost started to believe that, having obtained what he wanted from her body, he would move on to a different courtesan. But as it did not seem to be his intention, she simply changed into her robe after dinner before heading to his apartment.

She did not have the time to say anything because, as soon as she stepped into his room and closed the door, she was on her back on the bed, and within seconds, his mouth was on hers and his arms were around her as he pounded them both into oblivion.

She arched in pleasure against him, her body flushed and sweaty as she gasped and shook, nothing fake in her responses to his touch, and before long, he had found his release inside her again, together with her.

He was breathing heavily against her neck, not moving from his position on top of her, spent, and again, once she felt a little more coherent, she had the distinct impression that he murmured a word against her skin.

She did not have the chance to bring it up though, because he regained his coherency as well and lifted his head slightly, kissing her swollen lips once again, this time more lightly. She automatically closed her eyes, but opened them a second later when he released her, finding his crimson gaze intently fixated on her.

He suddenly questioned, bluntly, “Why did you leave this morning?”

Taken aback, she just stared at him. Of all the things she could have expected him to say after having sex with her, questioning her on having left his bed was one very low on her list, if on it at all.

She frowned slightly.

“I had to get dressed for the day,” she told him, her tone as reasonable as she managed, even though the effect was somewhat ruined by her hoarse voice. “And I knew perfectly well that you were going to be busy today.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I didn’t dismiss you though,” he pointed out. “What made you think that your presence wouldn’t be welcome any longer?”

Her confusion only grew at his words, but he merely smirked at her, bringing his mouth to cover hers again. His arms tightened around her.

Once he released her for breath, she took the opportunity to question him back, deciding to follow his example and be as blunt as possible, even though her question was going to sound weird.

“Have you lost someone you cared about?”

He froze, still buried inside her, all his muscles taut. His crimson eyes sharpened on her.

She shrugged, at least as much as was possible from her position of being pinned underneath him. She had already determined that there was little she could lose in this situation, she had no qualms about being direct anymore.

“You gave me that impression with what you said last night.”

He seemed to relax slightly, and a slow smirk appeared on his lips, satisfaction creeping into his eyes once again.

“I see you’ve been thinking quite in depth about what I said.”

He kissed her again, his hands going lower to caress her sensitive body, but this time, she pulled her mouth away from his.

“You didn’t reply,” she stubbornly pointed out, no matter how much her body was tingling at their movements.

“And I won’t.” His lips were trailing kisses along her neck, but she could feel that his renewed desire for her was subsiding, the mood oddly sombre now.

With a sudden movement, he flipped them over, making it so that he was now lying on his back and she was on top of him, their spent bodies still joined. His arms held her securely around the waist, her hair falling on her back disorderly.

“Sleep now.”

Her head was on his chest, but she managed to meet his gaze. Wordlessly, she inclined her head, inquiring about the unfamiliar position, and he smirked smugly at her, this time choosing to give a reply to her unspoken question.

“This is to prevent you from leaving tomorrow morning, of course.”

That smirk clearly meant that she was not going to be able to argue with him on it, therefore she had no choice but to accept her fate.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	9. Meeting your eyes

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

When she woke up in the morning, he was already awake as well, but for some reason, he was not moving. Fleetingly, she wondered whether he was showing consideration for the fact that she had still been asleep, but then reprimanded herself for such a ridiculous thought, since it was highly unlikely to be true.

She shifted slightly in her position, as she was still lying on top of him, but then immediately realized her mistake. He had not slid out of her body the entire night, which meant that her movement was enough to excite him, and she felt the fullness inside her grow rapidly.

She shivered as his hold on her tightened and when he gave a few experimental thrusts, a gasp left her throat without her consent.

Within moments, she was on her back again, her hands in his hair, pulling his face to hers for a bruising kiss, while their bodies moved together as he brought them both to the brink of pleasure and beyond before slowing down, their release achieved.

His fingers brushed a few strands of her hair out of her face, and then kept caressing her cheek, the gesture oddly filled with tenderness. Coming down from her high, Arturia slowly blinked, puzzled by his behaviour yet feeling oddly content at the same time – and again briefly noticing him murmuring a word that she did not catch.

Once her green eyes met his blood red ones though, he leaned down and kissed her lips briefly, before finally pulling away and out of her. She could not help giving an involuntary shudder, her body feeling strangely bereft after having had him inside her throughout the night. Luckily, he didn’t seem to notice, as he was focused on finding his clothes on the other side of the room.

Quickly braiding her long hair to make sure it did not look as tousled anymore, she then let the braid fall over her shoulder and grabbed her robe, covering her still burning body. She had several red marks on her shoulders, where he had nibbled and sucked on her skin, and she suspected she had some on her neck as well. A hot bath was definitely going to be needed.

She had almost reached the door quietly, when he suddenly spoke up.

“You are leaving without breakfast?”

There was something strange in his tone. It wasn’t a challenge, nor was it an implied order; he was… covertly asking her to stay a while longer. Or at least, that was what she understood from it.

Her hand was ready to reach for the door handle, but she hesitated.

He turned to face her, and his hand gestured for her to come closer. She studied him for a moment before deciding to give in.

The moment she was next to him, he grasped her hand to pull her to him, his free arm going to encircle her waist. She was flush against him, his clothes loose on his body, and she could feel him lean down, his face rubbing across her hair. As much as she felt the desire to look at him, she did not move.

He was not bothered by her stillness, keeping her close to him as he leisurely took a seat on the recliner, keeping her in his arms the entire time. When she attempted to sit down, however, he manoeuvred her so that she had no choice but to sit in his lap. When she turned her head to give him a mild glare, he only grinned at her.

When the servants came with breakfast, she was still in that same position, and he did not let her move from there, making it so that she ended up balancing the tray on her knees while they both ate.

As a courtesan, she had to do what the guests wanted from her, even when it was odd. Feeling rather uneasy, Arturia resolutely focused on the food, ignoring him, and while she could sense something close to displeasure from Gilgamesh, she refused to acknowledge it.

Rigidly, not looking at him, she stood up once the tray was empty, and murmured in his direction, “I will be taking my leave now.”

She knew that, had he wanted to, he would have had the time – and the power – to stop her, but nothing prevented her from reaching the door and leaving. Once she was out of there, she let out a breath of relief.

Taking the tray back to the kitchen, she prepared herself the Silent Tea once again. This had been the second night she had spent in a guest’s room after sleeping with him and, _once again_ , she had not disliked it.

When she took a bath, Arturia felt the now familiar slight soreness between her thighs, but she knew that she had to blame it on the unusual position she had been in the whole night, with Gilgamesh buried inside her. She wasn’t unused to being stretched, but certainly not for so long, therefore it wasn’t too unexpected to suddenly feel empty when she had felt fullness for so many hours.

The rest of the morning, she mended some of her clothes and exercised her body to get rid of the soreness, but there had to be something off with her, because Sola-Ui came to her during lunch – which the courtesans had in the kitchens, on their own – asking her worriedly if she was feeling well.

When she just stared back at her blankly, Sola-Ui narrowed her eyes and pushed a small mirror in front of her face.

Arturia wasn’t entirely surprised when she saw how dishevelled her appearance was, but she just gave a small shrug, reassuring her friend that she had just been quite… ‘busy’ with the guest. Seemingly understanding, Sola-Ui nodded and left her alone.

Once she finally got dressed and managed to comb her hair into a more orderly braid, Arturia studied her reflection again. On her neck, the red marks were now barely visible and her appearance was much better, but she still looked slightly dazed and quite pale. Frowning at herself, she resolved to stroll around the gardens for a while to get some fresh air.

She was soon completely immersed in the nature surrounding her. Fall was approaching but wasn’t quite there yet, giving the trees an air of temporariness that was rare to observe during the rest of the year.

She had not walked far into the garden when she suddenly heard footsteps approaching.

Turning around, expecting to see perhaps another courtesan, she met the crimson eyes belonging to the King instead. The man she had been having sex with that same morning, to be precise.

Completely disregarding her raised eyebrows, he commented, “You seem very fond of the gardens.”

Deciding to behave as normally as possible, she gave a nod.

“There is always something new to be admired, due to the seasons changing, yet also due to the constancy and certainty of the changes being expected and, in some ways, anticipated.”

He looked at her silently for a few seconds, before resuming their conversation.

“More than simply enjoying the gardens, you also enjoy talking about them to others, don’t you?”

She studied him sharply, but he had not said that with a condescending tone, nor was there any teasing or annoyance. He seemed to be genuinely interested in having his guess confirmed. Therefore, she slowly nodded again.

“I don’t have the opportunity to talk about the beauty of the garden to anyone, aside from the other courtesans and occasionally the maids. But yes, when there is the possibility to do so, I do enjoy talking about it.”

A strange, inscrutable expression appeared on his face.

“Then tell me,” he requested.

Her eyebrows knitted together in a frown, his unexpected words surprising her. Didn’t he have…

Reading her mind, his odd expression melted into a smirk, even though his eyes still remained guarded. “I don’t have any more correspondence to handle and I’m quite bored at the moment. Therefore, if you don’t mind…”

He was disguising his wish as a request for entertainment, but Arturia decided not to waste any time in trying to decipher him, as she was being given a chance she so rarely had.

She loved those gardens; she knew their layout well and she had studied their composition and learned several anecdotes about them. She had never had to face herself being in the role of a guide, but she took up the challenge with unexpected enthusiasm.

Several times, as she showed Gilgamesh some sections and told him something about their history, she managed to make him chuckle, which gave her satisfaction as it meant that he was amused, for she knew he wouldn’t have faked it to appease her.

Once they came close to the windows of his room, she indicated them to him, and was surprised when he spoke, suddenly very close to her, “You are a remarkably thoughtful and reliable guide.”

She tried to turn around, astonished, but she found out that his arms were already around her, preventing her from moving, and he was holding her close to him. Taking a few steps forward to reach one of the large trees next to his balcony doors – which she distractedly noticed were open – he casually leaned against it, effectively trapping her between the trunk and his body.

She was wearing a simple blue dress, one she favoured for such late summer days, and he took full advantage of it. While his mouth kissed her temple and then focused on nibbling her ear, one of his hands held her around the waist securely while his other one crept down her leg. Finding the hem of her dress, it slid underneath, nonchalantly touching her underwear.

Arturia breathed in sharply, feeling desire unexpectedly starting to pool in her lower abdomen.

She knew there was no one else around and being seen was the least of her concerns, but she could not believe what he was doing. She had never had sex outside of the bedroom – or rather, outside of the _bed_ – and she was not looking forward to being pushed against a tree of all places. Her hands automatically went to his shoulders as she twisted her body in his hold.

To her surprise, however, he did not seem to intend to take off his clothes. In fact, he did not seem inclined to undress either of them. Having successfully managed to push her underwear out of the way, two of his fingers were sliding easily in and out of her, her slickness increasing by the second and her moans and gasps becoming louder as well.

Her hands tightened their hold on his shoulders and, without warning, she went rigid, coming hard around his fingers. Arturia shook violently for a few moments, while he kept holding her securely, then she straightened again, staring at him.

She did not understand this. He was supposed to use her body to find release, like so many others had done before. Whatever he was doing, however, _wasn’t_ that.

She examined him attentively, her breath still uneven. He was staring back at her unabashedly, clear satisfaction in his eyes, but there was also desire and hunger in them, and she felt herself tremble once again.

Grabbing his arm that was around her waist, she untangled herself from his hold and started to pull him towards his room. He looked confused for a moment, but when he realized where she was going, she saw the arousal increase in his eyes, even though there was some amusement now as well.

“How impatient. It’s not even evening yet,” he remarked, one of his fingers tracing her palm casually.

But she was not going to let him decide the next move. He had started this; she would now make sure it was brought to the end.

Abruptly, she stopped walking, making him bump into her. Taking advantage of it, she pushed her whole body against his, allowing him to feel her forms even through the clothes. She had never done anything so bold before, but she had a point to prove, therefore she disregarded any possible embarrassment – and reservations – she might have felt.

Her small but strong hand touched his collarbone, right where his tunic began, tracing the skin there in a deceptively innocent manner. She felt him still under her touch and smiled inwardly.

“Are you truly capable, or rather _willing_ , to wait until evening?”

His growl, as he grabbed her and hoisted her up in his arms, was answer enough.

As he marched swiftly to the bedroom, Arturia merely made sure the balcony doors were closed behind them.

She did not know what was happening to her, nor why she was suddenly feeling so wanton; she just knew that she would not tolerate any interruptions.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	10. What are we stealing

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

Basking in the afterglow of their intense coupling, Arturia stared up at the ceiling. She was trying to figure out what had come over her to make her behave in such a forward manner.

She was… rather stunned at herself. Everything had come to her naturally, and her behaviour in bed with the King was almost relaxed, without anything artificial in it. She was also surprised at how easily she was becoming used to being with him, not just for the physical release but also the physical closeness. She hadn’t woken up once during the previous nights, for example, even though she was unaccustomed to sharing her sleeping space with someone else.

Gilgamesh was lying on top of her, dozing off, his head resting on her chest, just slightly above her bare breasts. Once again, after they had both reached their peak, she thought she had heard him murmur something against her skin, but had been unable to understand what it was.

She was brought out of her musings when she felt his hand travelling up and down her arm, unhurriedly, and inadvertently starting to stroke the burning fire that had been quenched not so long before. She felt his lips moving slightly against her chest and, upon realizing that he was smirking, decided that it was definitely _not_ inadvertent.

Without even thinking about it, her hand sank into his hair, pulling him closer to her as her back arched against him.

However, when her eyes landed on the curtains clouding the windows, she was reminded of the fact that it was afternoon. Wasn’t he going to demand she leave his rooms soon, especially after she – a courtesan – had basically forced him into them?

Her body tensed at her thoughts, and he lifted his head to look at her, having immediately felt the change.

He frowned as he studied her face, reading her mind without much difficulty.

“You still believe I intend to send you away?” There was a note of incredulity in his tone, the slight annoyance palpable, and he sighed, his breath managing to make her shiver. “Your blindness wouldn’t be so irritating if you didn’t persist in it with such incredible stubbornness.”

His arms tightened around her, his body thrusting forward, coming flush against hers. “It’s ridiculously simple: _I want you_. Why would I ever wish you gone?”

With that, his mouth was on hers, demanding and claiming a deep kiss she was soon entirely willing to give. Her hands found his face, caressing him almost gently as she cradled him closer to have better access to his mouth, which he was equally willing to give.

She was being incautious; whatever he may claim, he was still a lord, a King, yet she could not find it in herself to care.

When they separated, Arturia was breathing heavily, feeling her face aflame, and she stared into his darkened crimson eyes. She could not mistake his yearning for her.

Her position wasn’t however the most comfortable for her. He seemed to know, because he did not stop her when she slid away from him, but he did follow her body’s movements closely, stalking her as if she were his prey.

Which she probably was, a part of her mind point out to her, but Arturia shut it up unceremoniously.

Finding the headboard, she put the thick covers behind herself so to be able to lie down on them comfortably and, as Gilgamesh watched her from the other side of the large bed, she parted her legs for him, beckoning him closer. She would have normally been embarrassed by her behaviour, but she was done waiting, especially after what had occurred in the gardens and just a brief while before in the bed.

He may be a foreign King and someone who had decisional power over her life – namely, her staying alive – but she wouldn’t cower before him. Besides, he had introduced her to feeling pleasure in bed; now he had to own up to it.

As he crawled towards her, she yanked him to her almost violently by grabbing his shoulder. He replied by kissing her, roughly, his mouth leaving hers only to trace her neck as she let out a moan.

“Impatient.” He smirked against her skin. “Fierce.” His hands travelled lower together with his mouth. “ _Ready_.”

She gasped loudly as his fingers sank inside her for a moment, but then let out a small sound of protest when they left her. He chuckled as he pulled back, looking at her. He seemed to _always_ want to look at her, and the hungry desire she read in his eyes never failed to increase her own, as mortifying as it was to admit.

But she was past caring. She was a courtesan; all she did – all she was _supposed_ to do – was entertain the guests with her body, and for a long time, she had done so. For some reason though, the guest she was with at the moment did not want to just find release inside her or with her ‘help’; he wanted her to _join_ him in the pleasure, and sometimes focused solely on her own.

Taking advantage of it and exploring this new experience was something she knew was extremely selfish and dangerous on her part, even though she was ultimately doing what he asked of her. She was however unwilling to stop being so selfish, because she knew that he was going to leave soon anyway, and that meant that she would go back to her normal life of soullessly sleeping with nameless guests.

That thought made her snap her eyes open, almost making her forget where she was, but the next instant, he thrust hard inside her, and every complicated thought flew out of her mind.

She responded to him with equal ardour, her legs wrapping around him, making him slide in deeper, helping him reach for their mutual pleasure once again. Pants and gasps filled the room until she finally exploded, waves of release pulsing through her, making her clamp down hard around him and pushing him towards his own completion.

Trying to catch her breath, her body still shaking from the powerful orgasm, she heard him again mumble something in her hair, right before he rolled off her.

This time, she decided not to give it any more thought. He had made it clear that he was not going to answer many of her questions, at least for the time being; wrecking her brain over them was completely useless.

She was feeling boneless and tired – and by the way he was lying down next to her, his arms casually resting on her hips, she had a hunch he was probably equally spent – but she knew she needed to leave his rooms soon to get ready for dinner. She also knew that there were going to be other guests present as well on this specific evening, and she recalled that it was going to be slightly difficult to walk back to her quarters, considering that her clothes had been torn to shreds as soon as they had crossed the balcony doors.

Seeing that it was now completely dark outside, once she had caught her breath – it took quite a while – she slowly got off the bed and, once she found what remained of her clothes, cursed inwardly. Eyeing them critically, she determined that she would be able to tie them around her body in a passable manner, nowhere near decent, but enough so that she wouldn’t be naked.

However, before she could execute her project, something warm was draped around her shoulders. Surprised, she turned around, seeing Gilgamesh, with an unreadable expression, holding a blue robe around her. She stared at him, uncomprehending.

“Keep it,” was all he said. “You are fond of the colour blue, aren’t you?”

Both her eyebrows rose, her surprise growing.

“I am,” she replied. “But–”

He was at her side again, snatching her torn clothes from her hands.

“Unless you want to remain naked, I suggest you take the robe,” he flatly informed her, effectively leaving her with no other choice. He did not meet her eyes though, which told her that he wasn’t being completely honest with her.

Reluctantly, she put on the robe, tying it around her waist. She was surprised to notice that it was the right length for her body, reaching her mid-thighs with precision; it couldn’t belong to Gilgamesh, who was much taller than her. She frowned, confused once more.

Her confusion was however short-lived when he looked at her again, this time meeting her eyes.

“I also suggest you take some of your clothes here after dinner – as you’re not going to leave this room until morning either way.”

“I… what?” Arturia blinked. He was already letting her know that he was going to request her for the night again?

A dark shadow crossed his features, and she was taken aback by the momentary, very real anger that appeared in his expression.

“Listen, A–” He interrupted himself abruptly, as if he needed to consider carefully what he was about to say, then the dark look was back on his face.

“I thought I had made this quite clear,” he began again, his tone deceptively calm now. “I will have _you_ in my apartments every night, and possibly every day, for as long as I’m here. No one else.”

She stared at him, not knowing how to reply to that statement aside from giving a slow nod. It seemed enough for him though, because the dark look was gone from his face and he walked towards her once again. His lips pressed softly against hers, unexpectedly, making her widen her eyes.

He grinned at her, crimson eyes sparkling in amusement. As he turned away to go find his own clothes, Arturia rapidly went to the door, fumbling with the lock to leave.

As soon as she had opened it, he spoke again.

“I will see you shortly then, at dinner.”

It wasn’t a question, but she still turned to face him, her new blue robe following her movements flawlessly, green eyes serious, and she nodded at him.

“You will,” she replied simply.

She wasn’t truly surprised when he smirked widely at her.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	11. What are we searching for

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

After that afternoon, when she had been so forward in her behaviour, she was able to draw some conclusions about the strange King.

For some reason, he wanted more from her than just her body; he did not however demand submission, as it was clear that, even though her behaviour managed to irritate him sometimes, he was mostly amused by it.

He had also shown that, when she became too bold with her questions, he simply ignored them instead of threatening or punishing her. She knew she needed to avoid talking about the High Lord and there were a few other subjects that had made his face cloud over, but aside from those, she could be uncommonly outspoken; she could behave _normally_ with him, without needing to try to be falsely demure.

It was certainly something refreshing, she could not deny that. She also could not deny that, in some ways, she actually _liked_ it.

Arturia had thought that, even though there were several other noblemen present, dinner would go by as usual before she went to Gilgamesh’s room, but unfortunately, that didn’t turn out to be the case.

She tried to keep her eyes on the table throughout the evening – something she always did – but when she did look up a few times, she felt herself tense when, other that the King’s gaze on her as often as usual, she noticed another man observing her scantily clad body.

He was a new guest, with oddly large eyes and something rapacious in his expression that made her feel uneasy, especially when she realized that he wasn’t letting her out of his sight.

She was mildly taken aback when Gilgamesh rose after the meal – a tight look in his eyes – and indicated her, in front of everyone, making clear he was requesting her for the night. While she would have normally been annoyed by such a display, she could not mistake the fact that he had done it with the precise intention of making sure that no one else would request her. And while she did not like such possessiveness, she couldn’t deny she was relieved: she had truly been feeling uncomfortable under the eyes of the other guest.

She left through the courtesans’ exit, going to change into her robe – her new blue one – but also to pick up some of her clothes for the next day, as she hadn’t forgotten Gilgamesh’s words.

She had almost reached his apartment – she was just a few steps away from the door – when suddenly a hand with very long fingernails grabbed her arm, cutting into her flesh slightly and forcing her to halt.

The nobleman who had been staring at her during dinner was standing in front of her. He reeked of wine and he was smirking, with an abnormally wide smile.

“To my room now, heavenly Green-Eyes,” he ordered, clearly expecting her to obey and follow him without question.

Even if this had happened a few weeks before, Arturia would have resisted, as she knew that a courtesan was to be with the first guest who requested her at dinner, not just one who grabbed her and attempted to claim her. Being a courtesan was certainly nothing she was proud of nor anything to boast about, but she did have a small amount of rights. Besides, on this specific occasion, she also had to grudgingly admit that she _wanted_ to go to Gilgamesh’s rooms.

However, she needed to remember to behave as befittingly to her status as possible.

Keeping her eyes lowered, ignoring her throbbing arm and attempting to look as demure as possible, she objected, “My apologies, but the King is already waiting for me.”

He had released her now bleeding arm but, when she made to move past him, he grabbed her again before she could evade him, his nails digging into her flesh through the robe and creating new wounds.

He leaned into her neck, his nose pressing against her skin. He grinned.

“Oh, it won’t take long. Come.”

His eyes travelled up and down her body, lust clear in them, and he licked his lips as he firmly hauled her closer, his hold on her bruised arm tightening.

With more firmness than him, Arturia pulled back, freeing herself with a powerful shove.

“The King is waiting for me,” she repeated, her voice still courteous and demurely low but now holding steel. “He doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

A light of madness flashed through the intoxicated lord’s eyes and Arturia squared her shoulders, preparing to defend herself when he made to grab her again. She was not going to be intimidated by the likes of him.

The door near them banged open, Gilgamesh walking out and taking in the scene in front of him.

His face was a mask of coldness as he regarded Arturia with fury; she wasn’t surprised when she was able to immediately see that the anger was not directed at her.

“You are late,” he told her, and knowing what to do, she forced herself to bow her head before silently hurrying past him inside the room.

His crimson eyes then landed on the now hostile lord, whose eyes had followed Arturia hungrily.

“You were keeping her,” he said coldly. “Leave this palace before morning, or know that your throat will be slit.”

The guest’s large eyes widened even more at the threat, being well aware of Gilgamesh’s identity, and he took a step back, before leaving rapidly from where he had come.

Gilgamesh slammed the door shut and turned to face Arturia, who was standing a few steps away from him, the robe still in place around her body.

“I wondered why you were being late,” he informed her. “You’ve never been late before. Now show me.”

She raised an eyebrow. Was he already asking her to strip? Of course she was aware that being in his room meant that she was going to sleep with him soon enough, but she had never been asked to put on a show before, and she wasn’t sure she intended to do so.

He seemed to understand what she was thinking and visibly held back a scoff.

“Show me where he grabbed you,” he specified.

She hesitated for a moment, then pushed back her sleeve. Angry red marks were marring her skin, some bleeding, others not, but all already starting to form bruises.

Something unreadable flashed through Gilgamesh’s eyes and, to her astonishment, he walked away from her, only to come back with a wet cloth that he then started to pass over her wounds himself, cleaning them.

She did not like this. It felt as if he was doing it to earn her trust or something like that, so that she would be willing to give him her body more easily afterwards. She abruptly pulled her arm away and glared at him.

She could see that he was surprised by the way his eyebrows rose, but that was not enough to stop her from hissing coldly, “It’s actually the first time I’m seen as an object to fight for between two contenders. I guess you’re the one who won and gets to fuck me now, so don’t bother with this fake display of care.”

Her crude language didn’t seem to scandalize him, but the meaning of her words made his features harden.

“I don’t recall ever demanding sex from you,” he countered, equally coldly. “Just because a mongrel attempted to force you to his room doesn’t mean that I’m like him.” He gestured towards her arm. “If you don’t clean those, they might get infected,” he added, his tone less cold now.

Reluctantly, she made to take the cloth from him to keep cleaning her arm, but he didn’t let her and resumed the cleaning himself. She just stared at him.

Casually, he pointed out, “If things went solely according to my own desires, know that I would very much want to take you against this wall right now.” He met her eyes. “But not before tending to your injuries.”

She stiffened at those words, but he did not say or do anything besides finishing dabbing her arm gently, before taking her uninjured arm and guiding her to the bed.

Warily, she sat down, and wondered if she should start to remove her robe, but she was taken by surprise when one of his arms surrounded her waist from behind and pulled her down gently, making her lie on her side, her back pressed against his front. She heard him shuffle with his free arm, and suddenly there were bed sheets surrounding them both. She blinked, not understanding what he was doing.

He sighed against her neck, making her shiver.

“Sleep.” Both his arms were around her waist, resting modestly over her robe yet possessively holding her to him.

Arturia felt completely puzzled. Instead of attempting to have sex with her, he had cleaned her wounds and now… now he was sleeping next to her, simply holding her in his arms? This was extraordinary.

His voice seemed to hold some laughter as he murmured against her ear, “Stop thinking too much and just sleep.”

Against her better judgement, knowing perfectly well that she was probably going to regret it in the future, Arturia followed his advice and let herself fall asleep in his arms.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	12. The roaring future

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

When she awoke, she could hear him murmur something against her hair, his mouth ghosting over it slowly. She tried to turn around to hear what he was saying, but he stopped speaking when she did so.

Meeting his eyes, she blinked a couple of times, feeling sleep leaving her mind and her limbs. She wriggled slightly in an attempt to fully turn her body around, and immediately felt him stir against her leg. To her surprise, she felt herself shiver and become damp in desire as well, and could not suppress a small blush.

As she expected, he smirked smugly at her, and his smirk widened when his fingers came to part her robe and touch her between her legs, feeling her wetness and starting to stroke her slowly. She gasped.

Spontaneously, she shifted slightly, finding herself on her back, and she opened her robe fully. His lips found hers, his hand going behind her head to pull her closer and make it easier for him to have access to her mouth. She grasped at his shoulders, pulling his chest down to press against her, and he was more than happy to oblige.

When he slid inside her, he paused for a moment, as if to gauge her reaction. Arturia was still too full of sleep to be a completely active participant, but she was not unaware nor unwilling. Her body shivered at feeling him pulse inside her and, almost in instinct, she tightened around him.

A low groan against her mouth told her that he was going to lose it as rapidly as she would.

That did not mean however that he wouldn’t make it worth their while. He pounded hard into her, while she could not stop her loud moans of pleasure as her body thrashed around underneath his until they both reached their peak.

Afterwards, they lay in silence, while only their harsh breaths could be heard. Then he pressed a kiss to her brow, murmured something in her hair and lifted himself off her. Slowly, Arturia got to a sitting position, but when she tried to stand up, she winced. She was slightly sore from the rough morning sex.

Gilgamesh was sitting next to her, and a strange chuckle escaped him when he noticed her predicament. She whipped her head to stare at him, and was taken aback by the mix of amusement, smugness and concern she could read in his expression. She frowned, confused once again.

The next instant, however, she fought against a yelp she had been about to let out as he draped her robe around her and lifted her up in his arms.

“What are you doing?” she blurted out, noticing that he was carrying her out of the room, still completely naked.

“Going for a bath,” he replied simply, and her eyes widened.

Guests usually had a personal bath chamber in their apartments, she knew this, but she had never been in any of them together with them, only with the maids when it was time to clean. Now, however, it seemed that he intended to bring her to his.

“You are sore,” he told her, and she lifted an eyebrow, knowing that it was true but unwilling to admit it. “A warm bath will help.”

She _refused_ to believe that he was doing this for her benefit; he probably just wanted a bath himself.

Once they reached the bath chamber and her robe was thrown to the floor, Arturia felt herself tense. She knew those baths: they were large pools, for the guests to enjoy, and they were quite deep, if she recalled correctly. Steaming hot water was filling this one already.

Seemingly able to read her mind, he commented, “The pool is deep enough for me to barely be able stand.”

She stiffened immediately in his arms. If _he_ could barely stand, then _she_ wouldn’t stand a chance. She saw the question in his eyes, as he had clearly felt her tensing; when she stared into them briefly, she noticed once again an odd, undecipherable look in them.

“I’m afraid I don’t swim,” she said curtly, her voice having an edge she could not suppress.

She did not associate deep waters with happy memories. She still recalled the incident when she had almost drowned as a child; the exact moment was blurry, but the fear and helplessness she had felt were fresh in her mind.

His expression turned even stranger at her words, but then a smirk wiped everything else away from his face.

“That isn’t a bad thing at all, as it means that you’ll be forced to cling to me.”

He sounded extremely pleased by that, therefore she couldn’t help giving him a half-hearted glare, but it quickly disappeared when he manoeuvred her in his arms so that she was now facing him. His hard erection rubbed against her, making her shiver, and he easily slid inside her once again.

She could see the bliss appearing on his face briefly as he slowly stepped into the water and she instinctively tightened around him. He was throbbing inside her, but he was also holding her securely, not allowing her to fall even by accident, and he advanced inside the pool.

As hot water started to cover them both but he kept holding her, Arturia felt herself gradually relaxing, the sensation soothing for her slightly aching muscles. Even the red marks on her arm, inflicted by the other guest the previous evening, seemed to start to fade. She moved a bit around him, making him hiss in pleasure, because even though she was feeling more relaxed, her inner muscles were still tight around him.

He did not advance until the centre of the pool, where she knew it was at its deepest, choosing instead to lean against one edge, the water reaching their collarbones, so that she could easily put her hands on the rim instead of on his shoulders if she wanted to, while still being so intimately joined with him.

Bathing in such a pool was something she had been allowed to do only during the years as a child at the High Lord’s palace before becoming a courtesan. When the maids had to clean up the guests’ rooms, they later often filled the pools only halfway with water so that she could play there under the other courtesans’ supervision. She had certainly never imagined she would one day be in one filled to the brim _while_ having sex with one of the guests.

Speaking of sex, she was feeling the pressure building inside her again, and her instinctual movements started to become more erratic as she tightened even more around him. She was so close…!

His hand came to cup one of her breasts, caressing her nipple lightly in the water, and it was enough to send her over the edge. Arching her back, unknowingly pushing herself closer to him, the fierce flames of her orgasm burned through her, bringing him to his own release, deep inside her. Her head leaned against his shoulder, her body sated once again and now relaxed as well.

She felt his form shaking slightly after a while and, looking at him, saw him chuckle. His face was slightly flushed, both because of the hot water and their recent release, but that did not stop him from smirking smugly at her.

His mouth kissed her cheek chastely, and he made to press it against her hair as he so often did. But this time, she did not allow it. She knew that he was probably going to mumble something again, what he always murmured after sex yet she never managed to catch.

For some reason, she now wanted to know what it was.

As he leaned forward, she waited and then moved her head to the side at the last instant, so that his lips were directly against her ear when he spoke.

But when she heard his voice, she felt herself freeze in shock, her recent pleasurable release immediately forgotten.

“ _Arturia,_ ” he breathed.

‘Arturia’. He pronounced her name.

Her _real_ name.

Every time after having sex with her, he said her real name.

He _knew_ her real name…! How on earth did he know her real name…!

Blind panic coursed through her and she pushed fiercely against his chest, disentangling herself from him and aiming to get as much space between them as possible.

But she had forgotten that she was in water. She was in a deep pool full of water, and she wasn’t able to swim.

With a scream, frantically moving her arms around her, she fell.

Her movements tried to push her body towards the surface, but it was useless, as she could soon see, for the second time in her life, the water ripple and then close over her head, air starting to be missed, everything swiftly becoming darker…

The next moment, she was coughing and spluttering as Gilgamesh held her out of the water on the edge of the pool, hair sticking to her face, her wet hands clutching at the body keeping her steady.

It took a long while before her own body stopped shaking violently and she started breathing normally again, but even then, she focused on the water, not even glancing at the man still holding her close to him.

He knew that her name wasn’t Saber, and he knew her _real_ name.

Not just that; according to the amount of times he had been murmuring it against her hair, he must have known it _all along_.

No one was supposed to know her name aside from the High Lord, who had however probably forgotten it by this point, and perhaps a few servants who had once worked for her family, even though she knew that they had all been found and killed in the months following her relatives’ execution.

“Arturia.” She went rigid as he called her name again, this time no longer in a murmur but in a steady, normal tone. He was probably aware of the fact that he had no reason to conceal his knowledge any longer. “Look at me.”

She didn’t. Her face remained turned away from him.

“Thank you for pulling me out of the water,” she said stiffly after a moment, her voice unsteady and breathless, but she still refused spare him a glance.

The water rippled around her again as he pressed closer to her, his hold tightening.

“You must have been afraid of the water ever since you risked drowning as a child,” he suddenly told her, and that succeeded in making her head snap towards him, finally meeting his eyes again.

He was staring at her with an expression she had seen before, that undecipherable look that had accompanied several odd moments, especially when he had refused to answer her questions in the past. All along, he had known her real name, and, as was likely, he also knew many other things about her former identity.

“How do you know that?” she finally asked, her voice wary and slightly raspy.

She held his gaze firmly, and her hold tightened around his arm. She wasn’t going to let him avoid giving her an answer this time.

It seemed however that her concern was not needed. His expression was strange again, and his voice lowered.

“Because I was there, when it happened. I was the one who pulled you out of the pond.”

Her green eyes grew large and she stared at him in astonishment.

While she recalled the fear and the panic from the accident, she did not remember the details of what had happened, for she had been too young. She only recalled the water closing over her and then suddenly something yellow managing to pull her out–

Her eyes focused on his golden hair with shocked realization.

“That was _you_?” she gasped in disbelief. “The yellow rope I remember was _you_?”

Something between surprise and amusement flashed through his eyes.

“‘Yellow rope’?” he repeated, an eyebrow raising slightly. “That isn’t very flattering, but I suppose it can be considered acceptable, under the circumstances.”

She kept staring at him, trying to understand what was happening. The man in front of her, one of the guests of the High Lord, in whose bed she had now been sleeping for about a week, knew her. He didn’t just know her name; he knew her from her childhood.

Before she could say anything else, however, he held her more firmly to him, slowly walking out of the pool. Once outside, he put her back on her feet and seemed to summon two bathrobes out of nowhere and wrapped one around her before she could protest.

Then, snatching her hand, he pulled her to his bedroom again, where she noticed the servants must have cleaned everything up while they had been in the bath. Her change of clothes was thankfully still there.

Seeing her clothes for the day made Arturia snap back to the present. Finding out that Gilgamesh was someone she had known in her past and who seemed to know other things about her was certainly shocking, but she could not forget her current situation. She was a courtesan, and she had had sex with him several times in a row now – but she had not taken the Silent Tea for over a day.

While she didn’t know how often she needed to take the tea in order to avoid a pregnancy – Sola-Ui had advised to take it the same day or the day after being with one of the guests – it was however true that, since the morning before, she hadn’t taken the Silent Tea.

Frowning slightly, she berated herself sternly. She could _not_ afford to be so careless. If she was lax once, just once, she would be inflicting the curse of a lifetime of illegitimacy on an innocent baby.

She could forgive herself for selfishly enjoying pleasure in bed with Gilgamesh, but she would never forgive herself for destroying the life of a blameless child, nor would she _deserve_ forgiveness.

She needed to brew the tea as soon as possible. The question of how the King knew about her past could wait.

As she rapidly reached for the door, still in her bathrobe, she felt Gilgamesh’s eyes on her and when he frowned deeply, she knew he was about to speak.

Looking over her shoulder, she quickly said, “I will be right back,” before reaching for the handle and slipping out.

Making her way to the kitchen, she was glad not to find anyone around, as she wasn’t in a state – mental and physical – fit to talk to anyone. As soon as the tea was ready, she debated with herself briefly, but then decided to simply take the cup and go back to the King’s rooms with it. It was better than keep him waiting, as she knew very well that he got easily irritated – and if he became annoyed, she was not going to be able to question him about his knowledge of her past.

Once she entered, she found Gilgamesh in the same position he had been when she left, and he raised both eyebrows at her when he saw her holding a cup of tea.

“If all you wanted was tea, you could have waited a few minutes for breakfast.”

The annoyance in his tone was unmistakable, and Arturia began to regret having taken the cup to his room.

“This is… a special kind of tea,” she replied, hoping it would be enough to make his comments stop.

Unfortunately, he did not seem to get the hint, or rather, he outright ignored it.

“If it’s special, you could have brought two cups then.” His arms were crossed now, and he looked decidedly impatient.

Disregarding the fact that she was uncomfortable around the subject, she finally snapped.

“I don’t believe men ever get pregnant, so no, I don’t think you need this tea to prevent it.”

His expression betrayed his shock for a moment before he managed to compose himself again, but Arturia only gave him a cold glare. She was still in the bathrobe, and she probably also had what remained of their previous encounter still between her legs; there was really no point in trying to be delicate.

She had just swallowed the last gulp of tea, when he suddenly addressed her again.

“Do you have any children?”

The empty cup fell from her hands and shattered on the floor. Her eyes became stormy.

“You have no right to ask me such a question,” she hissed darkly. Had she been less angry, she would have noticed a flash of wariness appear in his eyes at her sudden fury. “ _You_ are not a courtesan, and you are not a woman.”

She could not trust him with anything personal; he already knew too much about her.

“And in any case, why do you seem to want to know?” she then asked coldly. “You may know who I was before becoming a courtesan, but you should only care about being able to have my body. Can’t you be content with that?”

“Never,” he growled, such darkness in his tone as to match hers, and she almost shivered, astonished by his anger. “You aren’t a fool, Arturia.” Hearing her name again made her stiffen. “If you truly believe I’m here for your body, you’re consciously closing your eyes to reality.”

To his chagrin, her eyes narrowed and flashed in fury once again.

“Aren’t you here for my body? Aren’t you here simply for a courtesan’s body?” she challenged. “Not recognizing the Silent Tea for what it is and asking me about any children I might have proves that you don’t care about courtesans becoming pregnant.” Her eyes seemed to turn even colder. “After all, it’s never men who have to carry the child, and they wouldn’t care about doing something as wrong and unfair as cursing innocents to be bastards even before birth!”

She was almost shouting now, but then she managed to control her volume, and simply said, tonelessly, “I’d rather be hanged for treason than condemn a guiltless child to a life of illegitimacy.”

She leaned down, picking up the pieces of the broken cup, and fiercely set them aside on a nearby empty tray with jerking movements.

Finally, she decided it didn’t really matter. She might as well answer him.

“I don’t have any children.” She paused. “I’ve been lucky enough to be taught how to prevent a pregnancy, and I try my best to be careful.”

She was about to take the tray and leave the room, when he spoke again.

“What if you weren’t a courtesan?”

She turned around to stare at him, not comprehending – _refusing_ to comprehend – his meaning.

“Children,” he elaborated, his expression not revealing anything of what he was thinking. “If you weren’t a courtesan.”

“I have never given it any thought,” she answered honestly.

Now that her anger was starting to fade, she did not feel any desire to hide the truth. She had been wrong earlier: there was no point in hiding anything from him, as he had already enough power over her and she could not worsen her position.

Her tone therefore hardened. “Nor will I waste my time in thinking of the impossible.”

She was almost at the door now, tray in her hands, ready to leave, when she was suddenly struck by a thought.

Looking over her shoulder, she studied him carefully.

“Do _you_ have any children?”

The question obviously took him aback, as he did not manage to conceal his expression quickly enough, and he looked at her oddly, before slowly shaking his head.

She did not believe him though. “I assume that with all your courtesans, at least one or two must have fallen with child.”

She knew that every noble usually owned several courtesans, therefore she was certain that Gilgamesh must have several as well.

Something amused glinted in his eyes briefly.

“I don’t have any courtesans,” he informed her placidly. Seeing her stunned expression, he chuckled, before continuing slowly, “I’m no stranger to a woman’s… nor a _man’s_ … body, but I get… bored… very easily. And none of the women I was with ever fell with child, I made sure of it.”

The conversation had become disturbingly too intimate for Arturia’s tastes. She had not meant to talk so much about herself but, even though he still hadn’t told her anything about his knowing her from the past, this was the first time he had told her something personal.

Yet there was an air of finality in his tone that told her that he wasn’t going to offer any more answers.

She looked at him warily. She did not know how things would – should – proceed from there.

She wanted to know more about his connection to her past, but she did not have the means to force him to talk, at least at the moment.

The safest option in such a situation was to simply take her leave; therefore, she opened the door and disappeared.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	13. The day we control heaven

…

~oooOooo~

…

FLASHBACK

…

~oooOooo~

…

Gilgamesh glanced at the oracle, conveying all his disdain with that one glance. If he hadn’t been looking for her everywhere without success, he would never have lowered himself to request this ungodly being’s assistance.

But that was of little consequence now.

“I want to know if she’s still alive. And if she is, what became of her.”

The oracle’s frail, elderly hands trembled as his eyes glazed over. He was reading the signs and contacting the gods, or so people said; but in truth, he was just putting on a show, and the blond man in front of him knew that very well. Every piece of information he had came from his rather remarkable network of spies that whispered every kind of information to him.

“The child of the disgraced Pendragon family, you mean.” He waved his hands in the air. “Oh yes, unknown to most, she was kept alive after her family was executed for treason.” The oracle paused dramatically, but the man in front of him glared, prompting him to continue, “She was, and is, a fair beauty, therefore the High Lord kept her as a courtesan.”

The blond man exhaled. He knew that the implications of her status were unsettling, but at the moment, he was focused on the confirmation of the fact that she was alive.

“What is her name now?” he questioned. He knew her name must have been changed, otherwise he would have been able to find her much sooner; after all, ‘Arturia’ was rather unusual.

The oracle shrugged lightly, before giving up on his dramatic antics and getting ready to go back to his rest.

“She’s mostly referred to as the Green-Eyed Courtesan, but the times her name is asked, the High Lord calls her ‘Saber’.” His eyes turned slightly calculating. “Why this interest in her?”

The blond man nodded slowly, before standing up, assessing the room with another glance and completely ignoring the question.

“Given that you have provided me with useful information, I will allow you to keep using this place as your temple for another year. But afterwards, you will find yourself a new accommodation, _oracle_ … one that is very far from here, and most importantly, one that isn’t in my lands.”

It was his turn to pause briefly. “And if another one of your spies ever tries to enter my palace,” his voice lowered menacingly, “your head will roll.”

…

~oooOooo~

…


	14. Grains of light

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

Even though he still refused to tell her more about what he knew of her past – nor did he explain his _actual_ reason for visiting the High Lord, because it obviously couldn’t be a coincidence – Arturia could not deny that there was almost no change in the ‘routine’ established with Gilgamesh during the following weeks.

They had sex; they slept in the same bed; they walked in the gardens, witnessing autumn turn into winter; they had conversations about random topics. Their relationship, however, seemed to change little by little, without her even being fully aware of it.

It had not taken him long to learn her body, to learn where and how to touch her to give her the most pleasure, and she soon learned to do the same to him. It was something she was beginning to get used to, and it always made her wary to realize how easily it was becoming _normal_ to her. She still did not know his motives nor his own past, but she could trust him to pleasure her, which was rather unusual, considering that she was the one who was supposed to be there for _his_ pleasure.

It was strangely arousing however to see how much he enjoyed it. He bore an irritating grin and was smug when she came undone in his arms, but she could not mistake the fact that he _enjoyed_ bringing her pleasure. And not just pleasure.

More than once, in the morning, she had some trouble in walking steadily, as he had taken her hard enough to make her feel sore. Again, he did not conceal his self-satisfaction but, while he teased her about it, he always drew her a hot bath to soothe her aching muscles.

She had never had a constant bed partner, especially to sleep next to; but what was strangest was indeed having the _same_ man in bed with her. Always the same man to kiss her, touch her, fuck her – with her full consent – and without ever making it be repetitive. She was also becoming used to it: used to feeling a body of a person close to her even at her most vulnerable, in her sleep.

He did not hold back in asking her questions occasionally, even though she had decided to follow his example and determine every single time whether to give him an answer or not. He seemed to accept this, and it was oddly thrilling to realize that it had made them reach an equilibrium.

Once, he asked her if she had ever used her mouth to pleasure men in something other than a kiss; she did not refuse to answer him this time, and made it clear that she had never done it and most certainly did _not_ intend to do it, ever. He took that opportunity to make it equally clear that he instead was very much looking forward to using _his_ mouth on her, and while it confused her because again it would focus more on her pleasure rather than his, she eventually gave in to his request.

She soon learned that she did not regret having agreed to try it.

The exploration under the sheets was not easy at first, because she was wary and reluctant to let him try anything new, but for some reason, he did not seem to mind, and neither did he seem to push her.

It wasn’t merely those ‘explorations’ that made it possible for sex with him to never be the same. They had already become accustomed to hot and fast; it was startling to find out that an orgasm coming unhurriedly could still be fulfilling, as he reached satisfaction with long, slow thrusts inside her instead of frantic coupling.

She was also becoming quite fond of the times when she was on top, as it gave her much more control, and she usually took full advantage of it, prolonging their mutual pleasure as much as possible. It had been amusing to find out that he found it difficult at first on those occasions, because he would be completely at her mercy. While she enjoyed the unexpectedness of it, she strangely did not feel even the slightest desire to use it against him – or at least, not in a cruel manner. That was mostly because she realized how unusual it was for him to give someone his trust, especially in bed.

As for other guests, when they were present, thankfully none of them dared request Arturia. She knew that the nobleman who had attempted to take her to his room – and who had left angry marks on her skin – had taken his leave from the palace quickly very early in the morning after being sent off by Gilgamesh.

During the time he was still staying there as a guest of the High Lord, Arturia decided – after quite a bit of thought – to begin to make a few subtle comments, after dinner, to let him know when the High Lord was lying and when he wasn’t.

She knew that for some reason Gilgamesh disliked him profoundly and she did not forget that she wasn’t supposed to mention his name, therefore she was usually indirect in her remarks. He showed to appreciate her insight, even though she purposefully kept her indications on superficial levels; she might start to become fond of Gilgamesh – nothing more than fondness, she sternly told herself – but she was still the High Lord’s courtesan first.

To her surprise, almost any kind of remark on his or her part would often prompt a conversation between them, usually a long one. As long as they kept away from things they would not tolerate bringing up, they could find more than enough subjects to talk about at length.

Mentioning the High Lord’s discussions, for example, usually brought them to debate the trials of governing. Arturia did not have any direct experience of it, but she wasn’t a fool, and she listened attentively when he talked about some decisions he had to make about his lands. She often remained quiet afterwards, sometimes even for a few days, until she had thought about her response carefully. And when she then offered her comments and opinions, he surprisingly listened with equal attentiveness.

While they had such talks during the day, it did not mean that she was forced to spend every second in his presence. He had correspondence to handle, and she refused to neglect her studies; to her confusion, he seemed to be fully aware of it, and he refrained from demanding all of her time – even though it would have been well within his power to demand it.

She could not deny that she enjoyed those conversations with him, as they were interesting and challenging. It did not hurt of course that many of those exchanges ended up in different activities under the sheets, even – or especially – when they disagreed.

When she had pointed this out to him, half-seriously asking him if talking about ruling was something that turned him on more than seeing her naked, Gilgamesh had grinned widely and nonchalantly replied that both did, as long as those conversations were with _her_.

She had shrugged it off, silencing him with a kiss – one of the few times she had initiated a contact between them herself – to conceal the fact that his words hurt her…

…because she did not, and _could_ not, believe them.

…

~oooOooo~

…

Almost two months after she had inadvertently found out that he knew her real name – even though he had agreed to call her Saber when others were present – she was out in the gardens, sitting with him under a tree.

She had not stopped in her behaviour as a ‘tour guide’, because she loved telling historic details of a place she knew so well and, for some reason, he was captivated by her enthusiasm. He looked amused most of the time during their tours, but when she asked him about it, he unexpectedly claimed, “Your features look more distended when you indulge yourself in doing something you like.”

It wasn’t too rare for him to make an observation that would unsettle her, but she was becoming better at concealing her reaction and just continue talking. She had just finished describing an astronomic rule she had been studying recently, and they were now in surprisingly comfortable silence, just outside his room’s balcony doors.

Suddenly, he asked her, completely relaxed, “What was your first time like?”

Had he asked something like that a few weeks before, she would have frozen. But he had already asked her the same question twice during the last couple of days, and even though she was refusing to answer, he was persistent. He really wanted to know.

She did not like thinking about her first time; Gilgamesh wasn’t however going to be around forever, and there was no point in being shy. Besides, he had not asked _with whom_ she had first had sex, merely _how_ it had been.

“Shameful,” she replied unemotionally. “A bit painful. Made me feel dirty and uncomfortable.” Her eyes were lost in the distance, and her tone changed slightly, even though it remained clinical. “In some ways, however, it was… educational. And of course I was relieved, because I was finally paying the price for my family’s treason.”

Gilgamesh was staring at her, his expression betraying nothing, therefore she went on, “I wasn’t executed with the rest of my family, but I was told that I was to be a courtesan to become… _worthy_ of the mercy I received. And for quite a while, I believed that.”

Her tone was final, and she hoped he would accept the fact that she did not intend to add anything else. To her relief, he seemed to do so, therefore she took advantage of it by asking, wry amusement making its way into her voice, “What about you?”

His nose scrunched up a bit and he looked haughty.

“I don’t remember much of it. I was too tipsy,” he said matter-of-factly, and her mouth dropped open in shock.

“ _You_ were tipsy?” she questioned, not bothering to hide her disbelief. “I’ve seen you inhale the amount of wine that would knock out at least five grown men and still be lucid in spite of it, therefore I can’t quite believe what you’re saying.”

A flash of annoyance crossed his features, making it clear that he did not like to dwell on his mistakes.

“There was a time when wine got the best of me, as impossible as it sounds.” His tone was petulant, and Arturia had to stifle a small giggle. “Yet I did learn about the pleasures of the flesh through those mishaps.”

She studied him, having sobered up, and then questioned, “You claim you have no courtesans–”

“I have none,” he confirmed, interrupting her. “As I told you, I become bored… fairly quickly.”

She could not stop her body from tensing up slightly. He had already told her this, yet it made her feel uneasy nonetheless – because if what he said was true, why was _she_ being in his bed even after so long?

To avoid thinking about it, she continued with her questions.

“Why did you go with many women then?” She attempted to rephrase it. “If you become bored so quickly, then why did you spend your time with them in the first place?”

He did not reply, but instead of letting that discourage her, she went on, “From what I’ve seen of you,” something odd flickered across his face at those words, “you would usually only give your attention to people who can hold it.” _Something_ I _am doing at the moment_ , she told herself, but brushed the thought aside. “And don’t attempt to fool me with the excuse of you having _needs_. You have two perfectly functioning hands to take care of them.”

She was no longer ashamed of being so blunt, having learned that he could do much more than that, and he smirked at her, chuckling briefly since he was perfectly aware of this.

She hadn’t truly expected a reply though, therefore she was taken aback when he did speak again.

“I was long without a purpose,” came his enigmatic words, “therefore I didn’t care too much about who was in my bed.” He looked at her with a calculating look. “That is, until I met the oracle.”

Incredulous, Arturia blinked. Hard. He could _not_ be serious…!

With as much politeness as she could manage, she began, “Gilgamesh,” there was always something heated in his eyes when she said his name, “the one everyone in this region calls an ‘oracle’ is a fraud. His true activity is to have a net of spies in every corner; I expected you to know that.”

Something mysterious was now glinting in his crimson orbs.

“That’s precisely the reason why I say that meeting him was what I needed. In any case,” his tone was deceptively casual, “he’s dead now.”

She stared at him in surprise, and he took advantage of her distraction to pull her into his lap. “One of his spies attempted to enter my palace,” he explained. “I had warned him that his head would roll if that happened.” His crimson eyes flashed. “But enough about that mongrel.”

His hands went to the front of her robe, opening it and exposing her breasts to his roaming gaze. She shifted slightly and could feel him already hard underneath her. She leaned forward, finding his mouth easily and, amidst mind-blowing kisses, she became vaguely aware of being lifted in his arms and swiftly being carried towards the bedroom.

Once he had her pinned to the bed, his fingers were at her entrance, stroking her softly and making her ready for him. Slow moans left her lips whenever he wasn’t kissing her, indicating that she was rapidly melting in his arms.

Right before he thrust inside her, his mouth was next to her ear. He answered her unspoken question, the one she had not asked, giving her a startling reply.

“ _You_ will never bore me, Arturia.”

…

~oooOooo~

…


	15. Only we can see

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

Several weeks later, when she overheard the cooks sourly complaining about what a pity it was that the King’s good-looking servants were soon going to leave with him, Arturia knew that she had waited for too long.

Gilgamesh had been there for almost six months now, and she was starting to have some awful suspicions. Some suspicions that, if confirmed, were going to have dreadful implications.

She needed to speak with Sola-Ui as soon as possible.

Ever since Gilgamesh had arrived, she had rarely spoken with the courtesan who had always looked out for her, but she shouldn’t have been such a proud fool. As hard as it was to admit, she needed advice.

Sola-Ui looked indeed rather pleased when Arturia asked to speak with her, and reminded her that it hadn’t happened in months.

The blonde woman knew that her experienced friend was extremely blunt and, if she wanted good advice, she was going to have to be completely honest with her, as embarrassing as it was going to be.

“I’d like your opinion on what is going on between me and… the King,” Arturia told her, starting as directly as possible.

Sola-Ui studied her briefly, before narrowing her eyes.

“If I’m not mistaken, he’s been here for well over five months now, hasn’t he?” Arturia nodded. “And he never requested another girl, always you?” Arturia nodded again. “Every night?”

At Arturia’s third nod, Sola-Ui’s face contracted in a frown. Then she suddenly asked, steel in her voice, “Does he fuck you _every_ night?”

Even though the bluntness was not unexpected, Arturia still bristled.

She took a deep breath before replying, “No, we don’t–”

“‘ _We_ ’?” Sola-Ui’s tone was sharp. “There is no ‘we’, Saber. You’re his pleasure object, never forget that. So let me ask you again: does he fuck you every night?”

Swallowing her protests and her pride, knowing that Sola-Ui’s brutal words were the truth, Arturia said evenly, “He doesn’t.”

Sola-Ui’s eyes narrowed once again.

“Yet he still demands for you to be with him, and not only does he keep you there until morning, he sometimes requests you during the day as well?”

Arturia nodded while Sola-Ui looked pensive for a while.

“The first possibility that I would consider,” she finally said, “is that he’s sexually repressed and just requests you when he feels the need to fuck. But since he doesn’t do that all the time, I’m afraid the truth is that he’s getting attached to you.”

Her voice became slightly gentler but also much more urgent. “The fact that he’s _genuinely_ getting attached to you is dangerous, Saber, and you must be careful.” True worry appeared in her expression. “He may start to like you, but don’t forget who you are in his eyes.”

Her tone turned grim. “Nothing good can ever come from a more serious connection between a courtesan and a lord, and nothing ever has.” Something very similar to regret flashed through her eyes, and Arturia knew she was reliving some unknown memory. “You must look after yourself, Saber. I would not like seeing you become a victim of any kind of useless, foolish hopes. They would consume and destroy you.” Her expression became kinder. “You’re cleverer than that, Saber.”

“Sola-Ui, I don’t know if it’s that simple. I… don’t think I’m getting attached to him.” A part of her mind slapped the other, knowing that it was a partial lie, but she did her best to ignore it. “But at the same time, I do not mind being in his rooms, with him, and I know I will miss his company when he leaves. By some of the things he says, I sometimes get the feeling that he had been searching for me even before he came to the palace–”

She could not continue speaking, because Sola-Ui suddenly slapped her, hard.

“What on earth happened to you, Saber!?” the older woman shouted harshly. “Wake up! You will only get hurt if you don’t see what you’re doing!” Her eyes were ablaze in fury. “You can’t allow yourself to get attached to him – he will merely use you! When he’s tired of you, he will move on without any qualms! Your disposition isn’t like that, Saber, you won’t be able to let him go as easily – and that means that you will suffer if you don’t keep yourself in check!”

“It’s already too late!” Arturia finally burst out, surprised by how her tone managed to remain level-headed and calm, even as her cheek burned. “I’m spending all my time with him, he’s inviting me to basically be part of his life… how could I not feel anything?”

Sola-Ui’s fists clenched and she bit her lip.

“Saber, please,” her voice almost broke, “don’t make my same mistakes. I trusted a man with my feelings, with my love… and he left me! Other men who made me promises of affection left me as well – I _know_ what this is like!”

“He hasn’t promised me anything, Sola-Ui,” Arturia forced herself to say.

“Then you should see even better than me that you’re falling into his trap, Saber!” Sola-Ui’s voice was now frustrated. “He will lose interest after a while, especially because of your status, and he will leave you empty and alone! Don’t give him the chance to hurt you – because I know this _will_ hurt you, Saber!”

Unable to deny that claim, Arturia lowered her head. Sola-Ui was right and her advice was sound; but it was too late now. Not just because she was getting far too _fond_ of him, but also because she dreaded having her other suspicions confirmed.

Then she remembered that she had one last question.

“Why is he staying for so long though? Anything he had to discuss with the High Lord could have been concluded in a matter of days, a week at most.”

Sola-Ui’s hand was on her shoulder, while the other came under her chin, gently making her look at her. There were tears glistening in the older woman’s eyes.

“Saber,” she said quietly. “I believe he’s stayed so long for _you_. He’s not indifferent to you. But as I said, that’s the problem. That is the reason why you will suffer.”

Her prematurely aged eyes were full of longsuffering sadness. “Once he leaves, he will move on from you, while you – you _won’t_.”

…

~oooOooo~

…


	16. Falling from the sky

…

~oooOooo~

…

She was taken aback when, a few hours later, Gilgamesh pointed out the red mark on her cheek.

“That is a slap mark. What happened?” he asked her bluntly.

She weighed him with her eyes. She didn’t have the slightest intention of replying to that question, but she knew that sooner or later he was going to get the truth out of her. The way his crimson eyes were fixated on her made it clear that he knew that as well.

Caving, she replied levelly, “A… friend of mine slapped me, during a talk, because I was behaving foolishly. I deserved it,” she added, her tone still even.

There was absolutely no chance of her revealing her other suspicions to him, because the possibility of them being true filled her with nothing but despair.

Yet those words were not enough to satisfy him.

“Be more specific,” he requested. “What was the talk about?”

She met his eyes, refusing to back down, and answered truthfully, “You. It was about you.”

His smirk told her he was entirely too pleased to hear that, and his hands came to her freshly washed robe, pushing it open just enough for his fingers to lightly tease her collarbone. He stopped though, clearly waiting for her to say more.

Glaring at him, she finally admitted, “I was cautioned against you.”

Without warning, his fingers sank into her already dripping core, making her shudder around him, and she took a few steps back in search of the bed.

He helped her lie down on it and then murmured against her ear, “So you were probably told that just because you had never felt pleasure in bed before meeting me, you shouldn’t get attached to me?”

Arturia would have frowned, had she not been arching her back against him. What he had said was odd, and she did not have anything to reply to that.

He kissed her deeply, removing the thought from her mind.

As he leaned back to start removing his own garments, he informed her, “You should be aware that I plan on making sure you become attached to me without needing the wonderful sex, no matter how much of an incentive it may be.”

And he thrust inside her, her wetness allowing him to slide deeply inside her right away and making sure she reached her peak soon enough, and several times in a row.

Once he was spent as well and was lying on top of her as she was still twitching around him, exhausted but extremely sensitive, he kissed her lips lightly.

“I’m not letting you go so easily, Arturia, so you had better be prepared to be stuck with me.”

…

~oooOooo~

…


	17. We'll fly a little higher and further

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

She could not believe him. She could not believe his words, she could not _trust_ his words. Sola-Ui had warned her: they were empty and meaningless.

After all, he was merely one of her lovers.

To be fair, that was slightly inexact, because she doubted she could truly consider any of the men she had been with before him as ‘lovers’ in the strictest sense of the word. She had merely let them use her body, _helped_ them in using her body to find physical satisfaction, then she had left, and she had never felt anything but boredom or annoyance.

With Gilgamesh, it wasn’t _anything_ like that.

He was ruining her for other men, she realized with a feeling of dread. She was not going to be able to behave in the same emotionless, clinical way again – not after having been given a taste of what lovemaking felt like.

She cursed herself repeatedly, for she had made a lot of mistakes. A lot of serious, very dangerous mistakes.

She had done well in never forgetting to take the Silent Tea, yes, but only _at the beginning_. There had been days when she had not thought about it, spending the entire time with Gilgamesh, and that was a subject on which she was terrified to have her suspicions confirmed.

Furthermore, she had been forgetful in regard to who she was. She was a _courtesan_ , not a lover, and she could therefore not afford to have any trust in her bed partners. They only had her body in mind, sometimes not even that but just the release.

Again this made her hesitate and she faltered in her conviction. Even though he obviously enjoyed her body, he had sex with her as if he wanted _her_ , not the release. And when they slept together, he moved inside her body and groaned her name into her neck, managing to draw sharp gasps of pleasure from her at the same time. It was always mutual, never one-sided, and afterwards, he would usually cradle her to him, and kiss her with surprising tenderness.

It made no sense, and she could almost feel Sola-Ui frowning deeply at her inside her head.

This was _enough_. She had to remember who she was. Be it as difficult as it may, she had to remember that she was a _courtesan_.

And she did her best to remember it, even when evening came, dinner was over and she was in his rooms once again, half of her clothes now always there as she had not spent a single night in her own quarters in months.

 _I am a courtesan_ , Arturia reminded herself as he kissed her deeply while sliding inside her at the same moment, the now familiar feeling of fullness making her moan.

 _I am a courtesan_ , she repeated to herself as he moved inside her, rolling them over and letting her set the pace, as he sometimes did.

 _I am a courtesan_ , she told herself when he cradled her closer, holding her in his arms possessively after they had both reached their peak.

 _I am_ nothing _but a courtesan, to use and then discard_ , she thought with something that was very close to desperation as he soon fell asleep next to her, his body still touching hers.

It was only when his breath had evened out that she realized that the pillow where her head was resting was damp with her tears.

She hadn’t even realized that she had been doing something as foolish as _crying_.

Furious and even slightly appalled at herself, she grabbed the sheets to try to wipe her face dry.

Her movements were however too shaky and therefore involuntarily able to disturb his sleep, making him open his eyes in the rapidly growing darkness of the room and immediately look for her.

Hastily, Arturia jerked away from him, turning around the wet pillow and lifting the sheets over her head, mostly to be able to press the fabric against her face and dry it discreetly.

But he had seen her actions and his hand went to the pillow, turning it again and feeling the dampness. He frowned for a moment but then realization crossed his features and he bolted up in the bed, reaching for her and managing to grasp her wrists.

“You were crying,” he growled.

“No, I wasn’t,” she denied, keeping her voice low in case it came out raspy.

To be fair, her reply wasn’t a complete lie; she had not _realized_ that she had been crying until he had woken up.

Even in the dark, however, she could see him stare at her.

“You’re not hurt,” he determined after a few seconds of silence, seemingly having decided to ignore her half-lie.

His hands moved from her wrists up her arms, finding her shoulders. “Or are you hurt?” He changed his statement into a question, obviously having misinterpreted her silence.

She shook her head, not trusting her voice a second time, especially since she could feel her throat suddenly dry at his inquiry. Abruptly, she retracted from him, brusquely freeing herself from his hold and scrambling away while still remaining on the large bed.

She blindly reached for her robe, which she had carelessly let him throw on the headboard after he had taken it off her; in a rare stroke of luck, she found it immediately and rapidly slipped it on to cover herself.

“If this is all you need from me tonight… my lord… I will be leaving now.”

Her tone was so formal as to startle even herself, but she did not allow herself to think about it, all her being focused on getting away from there.

However, she did not have the time to either manage to climb off the bed or tie her robe because Gilgamesh’s hands stopped her.

“What is this?” he demanded, his voice harsh. “Since when do you suddenly decide to leave?”

Arturia could feel the growing desire to rebel, to slap his hands away from her, to give him a piece of her mind before storming off, but… _I am a courtesan_ , she reminded herself once again. She was a courtesan – she should not forget it.

Her arms, which he was holding in his grasp, became limp as she ceased resisting, and she lowered her gaze. She did what a proper courtesan would have done.

“As you command.”

Gilgamesh abruptly let go of her as if he had been burnt, glaring at her, eyes full of something that took Arturia a while to recognize as disbelief. It struck at something deep inside her.

“What _is_ this?” he repeated, now a hint of anger creeping into his voice. “What is making you be so disgracefully submissive all of a sudden?”

Arturia knew what her reply should have been: she should have bowed, apologized and asked him what she could do for him, to please him. That was her duty; that was what she was supposed to say and do.

But she couldn’t. She had always been as honest as possible with him; she was not going to change that now, as she had just tried to do. Not even while Sola-Ui’s voice still yelled warnings at her inside her head.

“I am a courtesan,” she therefore replied, her voice empty. “I am a courtesan, and being submissive and welcoming of anything you wish is what I do. What I am _supposed_ to do. What I _must_ do. What I will _always_ do.”

She had managed not to let her tone become hysterical with each new sentence, but she was close to that point, dangerously close.

With a terrible strain on her pride, she forced herself to bow. “May I… however… request you let me go for tonight… Your Highness?” Without looking at him, she offered him the excuse her fellow courtesans had taught her. “I am not… feeling too well at the moment. I trust I was able to give you enough satisfaction in our trysts until this point.”

The words felt disgusting as she forced them out of her mouth and she despised herself for pronouncing them. But more than that, she despised her status that required her to say them in the first place.

Gilgamesh’s arms were around her without warning, lifting her up, letting her body fall in the middle of the bed and piercing her with another glare that froze her in place. He stood up rapidly, turning away from her and going to the door, ringing the bell for the servants. He spoke a few curt words when one of them arrived, then closed the door again, locking it with a harsh sound.

He was back on the bed a moment later, his hands grabbing her shoulders again.

“You’re not going anywhere, Arturia,” he snarled. “You will not leave my rooms until I get the entire story out of you.” A strange, slow smirk curved his lips then. “As I know how stubborn you can be, however, prepare yourself to spend the next few days in here. The servants will bring food for us both, for I know you will not give in easily.” His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Yet you will not leave until you do.”

A new, wider smirk appeared on his face. “Nevertheless, you are more than welcome to stay even after you tell me the reason why you are behaving like this.” There was a minimal inflection in his voice and his smirk was gone. “You will also explain the reason why you were crying in the dark, refusing to let me see you, and then tried to conceal it from me.”

Even though he was obviously angered by her unusual behaviour, he had not forgotten her tears.

He wanted an explanation, but she could not give him one. He had no right to receive one, in fact.

At the same time, she knew perfectly well that his threat was real: he was not going to let her leave his rooms until his demands were satisfied.

Finally, she made her decision: she could not tell him the whole truth, but she could speak out on a part of it.

“I resent you.” There was no spite in her tone; just a quiet, resigned anger. “You… you showed me what pleasure is and how being in bed with another person can be enjoyed. But you have put yourself at the centre of it, making me experience this with _you_. In less than a week, you are going to leave, and I will be going back to my normal life as a courtesan.”

Her fingers suddenly clenched into fists and anger flashed through her green eyes, her following words coming out in a hiss. “I resent you for making me feel pleasure in bed, because now I won’t be able to go back to emotionless sex. _You_ had to come here, with your mysterious knowledge about my past, and instead of behaving like all the other guests, you had to be _different_!”

Her face was reddened in mortification and rage, and Gilgamesh added fuel to the fire by chuckling lightly. Arturia’s features contorted in humiliation.

“Perhaps I’m giving you too much credit,” she told him, her voice now ice-cold even though her flushed face still betrayed her shame, even in the darkness. “You’re not different from the others. You may do it in a more convoluted and conniving way, but in the end, all you want is your own pleasure.”

The expression on his face did not change, only the look in his eyes hardened minimally, and he stared at her intently for a few minutes.

“Arturia,” his voice was slow and oddly calculating, “I’m indeed leaving this place in a short while, but you are wrong in assuming that that will also mark the end of my association with you.” His tone became cutting. “Do you really believe this will end once I leave? Do you really believe I came here just for a few months of pleasure?”

“What else should I believe?” she retorted, not allowing him to intimidate her. “I have no reason to think differently, therefore–”

“Listen more carefully, Arturia,” he interrupted her icily. “I’m not leaving without you.”

She shook her head, not fully realizing what he had said, letting out a short laugh.

“Will you stop saying such nonsense? Be realistic! You have a land to govern, far away from here, while I am a courtesan for the High Lord – you’ve enjoyed your months here, I could see that, but you can leave now. I will not forgive you for your behaviour, but that’s hardly going to faze you, so let me leave this room once and for all–”

“You will be coming with me,” he interrupted her again. “I was going to tell you tomorrow. The day after tomorrow, you will be leaving with me.”

He stared straight at her, and there was no anger, no mockery, no ice in his face anymore – just calm seriousness.

“Your past… _everything_ in your past, even though you don’t remember meeting me as a child… your past, that is your own, Arturia. But you do not get to remove me from your future.”

To this, she was unable to give an answer. He was not exaggerating or lying, she could read it in his eyes, which he was _letting_ her read at the moment. She was just too shocked to be able to produce a coherent reaction.

He did not give her the time for it anyway; he was not blind to her distrust and scepticism, therefore he intended to clarify things as quickly as possible. He leaned down to start to find some of his clothes, grumbling inwardly as he put them on.

He would have much preferred to stay in bed a while longer, but unfortunately there was something he needed to do now. Arturia’s eyes followed his movements, confused.

“I will have a word with the High Lord, since otherwise you will worry about my decision putting other courtesans in danger,” he announced flatly, going to the door. He scrutinized her carefully. “I won’t lock the door, as you’re not a prisoner and you answered my questions surprisingly easily,” he then added, but his eyes narrowed slightly. “If you leave this room, I will simply come and find you again.”

At that, Arturia gaped in slightly outraged shock, and he unlocked the door with a smirk, making to leave the room.

After an astonished second, she found her voice again to point out, “You can’t go to the High Lord now. It’s the middle of the night.”

The look he gave her made it abundantly clear that he didn’t care. At all.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	18. Illusions are your truth

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

It did not take too long to make the High Lord leave his rooms once it was made clear who was outside. The King knew he was with one of his favourite courtesans, but he didn’t exactly care.

When the High Lord was finally out, Gilgamesh did not waste any more time and curtly informed him of his intention to leave two days later. He added that he considered their ‘friendship’ – his voice had a derisive inflection that the High Lord did not catch – stable and worthy of acknowledgement, but only on one condition.

As the High Lord looked puzzled, Gilgamesh told him he was going to leave together with the Green-Eyed Courtesan.

The High Lord frowned, seeming quite confused for a moment, but what mattered most to him was the assurance of having good relations with the King, therefore he agreed without difficulty to give up one of his many courtesans.

As soon as Gilgamesh left, however, the High Lord questioned his favourite on the identity of the Green-Eyed Courtesan; he knew that it was the one the King had always requested, but even though he had praised her back when Gilgamesh had first arrived, he did not remember her face, nor did he remember bedding her.

Helpfully, his favourite explained that he _had_ been with Saber, but during one of his ‘hazy nights’.

The High Lord considered this.

He did not remember her clearly, and giving her up to the King was not something he resented. However, she was still one of his courtesans, at least for one more night; she was apparently a worthy one, since she had been able to fascinate the King so much that he now wanted to take her with him.

As she still belonged to him though, that meant that he had the right to take his leave from her himself, the High Lord mused.

…

~oooOooo~

…

“Saber, I think you know why we must talk.”

Sola-Ui’s expression was unusually sombre as she entered the kitchen where Arturia was having a late lunch on her own. The blonde woman looked up at her and nodded slowly, waiting for the older woman to continue.

Sola-Ui took a seat in front of her.

“The King spoke with the High Lord last night. He intends to take you with him when he leaves, and the High Lord consented.” She looked at her carefully. “You will become the King’s courtesan, his only one.”

Arturia’s mind stopped. She had not given much thought to what her status was going to be if, and only if, Gilgamesh had been serious in telling her that she was going to leave with him, but she would never have expected to leave as his personal courtesan.

With as much willpower as she could muster, she made sure her face remained carefully blank. She would think about this development once she was calmer.

Sola-Ui was not finished, of course, and her eyes were serious as she leaned forward and put her hand over hers briefly.

“I truly hope that this means that I was wrong in what I told you, Saber. As you will be leaving with him tomorrow, all I can do is wish you the best.”

There was a pause. “I will miss you,” she admitted then. “You’re a good person, Saber, and I will miss you.”

Arturia’s green eyes were fixated on her face, slightly overwhelmed by her declaration, but Sola-Ui disliked emotional moments, therefore she was quick in bringing the conversation back on track.

“That isn’t however the only reason why I’m here.” Something in her tone now made Arturia wary. “The High Lord… wants to separate from you himself.”

Arturia stiffened abruptly.

“Tonight you are not going to attend dinner, you will dine on your own and later go to his chambers. Come morning, you will then officially belong to the King.”

Arturia’s mind was now racing. She was to go to the High Lord’s chambers, which meant that he wanted to fuck her himself before letting her leave. She had been in his bed but once, when she had lost her virginity, something that had happened around six years before. She had no desire to sleep with him again.

Yet she didn’t have a choice.

With a feeling of revulsion creeping through her, Arturia also realized that it was going to be especially sickening because she was going to have to fake again. She knew now what it felt like to experience pleasure in bed; on this night, without any forewarning, she was going to have to open her legs and fake her reactions to be able to leave his rooms as soon as possible.

Sola-Ui’s voice broke through her thoughts.

“I know what you are thinking, Saber, and that’s why I’m not alone.” Arturia’s eyebrow rose when another courtesan, the High Lord’s favourite, entered the kitchen and gave a tentative wave in her direction. “She wants to… give you advice for tonight.”

Arturia stared at her, aghast. She knew that the favourite courtesan cared deeply about the High Lord, far more than he deserved in fact; she did not want to be ‘instructed’ on how to _please_ him.

But she was taken by surprise.

“I can tell that you don’t look forward to being in his bed,” she said, in a low voice. “And I will not deny that I don’t want you to be there either. I know I’m a fool, but I don’t want to share him.” She produced a small phial. “Tonight, when he comes to the rooms, offer him wine. He won’t turn it down. Put this inside and you will be able to leave very soon.” Seeing Arturia’s doubt and mistrust, she added, “It’s a sleeping drug. It’s completely harmless, but powerful enough to make him fall deep asleep right away. He will maybe touch you a little or even manage to undress you, but its effects are fast.”

Arturia took the phial after another second of hesitation and looked at the favourite courtesan.

“Thank you,” was all she said, quietly.

Both Sola-Ui and the favourite nodded at her before turning around and walking to the door.

At the last second, Sola-Ui gave her a glance, “One last thing. You are not permitted to go to the King until tomorrow morning, Saber, as we have fed him some lies about you packing. The High Lord wants you… _clean_ … when you go to him.”

Arturia’s features seemed to be sculpted into stone as Sola-Ui left the kitchen.

“Sola-Ui,” she suddenly called her back. “There is… something else I would like to speak about with you.”

…

~oooOooo~

…


	19. Meeting only yearning

…

~oooOooo~

…

The following day, in the early morning, Gilgamesh was livid.

He had left his rooms in a foul mood, as for the first time in months Arturia had not slept there with him. He had been told that she was packing, but he had not seen her for the whole day and night – not even at dinner.

When he had however asked the servants for her whereabouts as soon as he had woken up, he had been told that the High Lord had requested her in his chambers for ‘one last time’ before she left.

He had not thought such a thing would happen. He had not thought that Arturia would have to sleep with that mongrel again, when she probably had had to do the same many other times before.

When he demanded to speak with the High Lord, he was told that he was still asleep. Before his anger could reach even higher levels, however, Arturia herself appeared.

She politely let him known that all her possessions were in the carriages, but she did not completely meet his gaze as she said so. Gilgamesh knew perfectly well that it was not her fault she had had to sleep with the High Lord; he knew, but he still glared at her, scrutinizing her from head to toe.

Nothing seemed to be amiss, at least at first glance, but Gilgamesh could not bear the thought of that unworthy man’s hands being on her. He couldn’t _stand_ it.

They were alone, at the entrance of the castle, ready to leave, yet all he could think about was the fact that she had just left another man’s bed.

His words stumbled out in a harsh tone, before he could control his temper and let himself be reasonable.

“Did you use your improved skills in bed to please the High Lord so much that now he can’t even get up to take his leave from a guest?”

There was venom and accusation in his words, making Arturia’s head snap up to stare at him directly.

She was silent for a few seconds, her expression inscrutable, before replying, with a calmness that took him aback, “I used a light poison on him, to make him fall into a deep sleep immediately after dinner. That’s why he’s still asleep.” Her eyes flashed. “I did not intend to let him touch me, much less have to fake my pleasure.”

Gilgamesh stared at her, without uttering a word for several long seconds. Then he turned away from her to indicate the exit curtly.

“Come. We are leaving now.”

Without a word, she preceded him to the carriages, but was surprised when she found out she was going to be travelling with him. As wordlessly as she had just been, he showed her which carriage it was going to be and climbed in after her.

Only several minutes after their long journey had begun did he speak again.

“I shouldn’t have accused you.” His tone was devoid of any inflections. “Even if you _had_ been with that man, you don’t deserve accusations.”

There was probably never going to be anything closer to an apology, but Arturia was not going to give in so easily.

“Not that you would probably care, but your behaviour isn’t forgiven.” Her tone was equally colourless, and she was not glancing in his direction at all.

The carriage was spacious, and they were sitting on one side, which looked like – and felt like – a very comfortable couch.

Gilgamesh eyed her with some actual pensiveness. She was not being entirely unreasonable in her response – but he knew of a possible way to earn her forgiveness.

Nonchalantly, his arm went to surround her waist. She did not stiffen, but she did not react with pleasure either.

It didn’t matter. He hadn’t even started yet.

He was not going to earn her forgiveness with his touch though; he was going to tell her the truth about a subject he had long avoided.

“I met you many years ago,” he began slowly. “You were still a child, but so was I. My family often came to visit yours, as the Pendragons were apparently very hospitable.” He paused briefly, and Arturia’s face turned towards him ever so slightly, telling him that she was listening and wanted to know more. “In truth, they were planning a coup, both against the High Lord and my own kin.” He sighed. “Of course I didn’t know any of that back then. I only knew how interesting you were.”

His hold tightened around her waist. “I spent hours and days with you, playing outside in the gardens. That’s when you risked drowning once. After that accident, I wasn’t allowed to play with you anymore, but I kept watching you.” A strange smile curved his lips. “You were too fascinating.”

Arturia had now turned to fully look at him, and she seemed to have decided she could, perhaps, forgive his previous accusation.

“I don’t remember you,” she said suddenly. “I… I only recall something yellow pulling me out of the water. I had always assumed it to be a rope.” She looked uncomfortable. “As for my family and my childhood, I don’t remember much at all. After their execution… I was told I was responsible for their mistakes, so for many years I avoided thinking about the past, ending up forgetting it.”

“You were a child when I met you,” he repeated. “And you were – and are – a few years younger than me. It’s likely you wouldn’t remember me either way.” His expression turned into something slightly annoyed. “Although I do begrudge you comparing me to a rope.”

That brought a fleeting smile to her lips, but there was still something about her entire countenance that was colder and more detached than the previous day. Something that, he realized, had been there since the morning, before he had accused her. Even his spontaneously talking to her about their shared past did not seem able to change that.

He frowned inwardly; something was bothering her, but he had learned that he was never going to find out what it was, not even if he pressured her, unless she decided to tell him herself.

He could not allow that thought to deter him though – he had his story to finish.

“You may have forgotten me, for various reasons, but I didn’t forget you.” His eyes flashed. “Unfortunately, with the High Lord changing your name, I was unable to find you again. For a long time, I thought you were dead. But when, completely by chance, I heard rumours that perhaps the young Pendragon child had been spared, I questioned the oracle.”

Arturia was listening to him attentively, but she seemed to pull slightly away from him at those words.

“Why were you looking for me?” she asked bluntly.

His hold around her waist tightened.

“Why _wouldn’t_ I want to find you?” he asked back. “I wanted to know what had happened to you, because you were someone I considered precious.” He leaned down, his lips hovering over hers. “As I discovered after finding you again, _you still are_.” His lips touched hers, briefly and rapidly. “And you will always be.”

His arms pulled her flush against him and he kissed her deeply, hungrily, passionately. She was rigid in his embrace for a moment, then her mouth opened for him and he immediately obliged, his pulse quickening at her unspoken invitation. His free hand went to unbutton her travelling clothes impatiently, already missing the easier access provided by her blue robe – one he had had made especially for her, of course.

She seemed equally displeased with his garments, as she tugged at them insistently until she managed to get them off. She tore herself away from his kiss for a few brief seconds then, to close the carriage curtains. He did not blame her desire for a little more privacy, but he honestly could not bring himself to care much about anyone seeing them.

She was soon on her back on the large seats and his mouth was on hers again, seeking access and stealing her breath. She moaned when his lips left hers to reach her ear, and he could feel the familiar flames of desire starting to burn once again.

He would have loved to smirk in that moment, because she was already so close to losing any and every thought even though he had touched her so little.

But she was too beautiful for him to waste any time in self-indulgent satisfaction; he wanted the flames to swallow them both whole, he wanted to make sure she reached that endless pleasure together with him, and he wanted it as soon as possible.

Holding her body closer to him as he readied her dripping wet entrance, he brought his lips back on hers for another searing kiss.

He eased inside her with a sigh of pleasure, while she instinctively parted her legs wider and pressed herself closer to him, demanding more. She did not beg or plead for pleasure; she made sure he gave it to her, while at the same time ensuring he felt it as well.

When she almost convulsed and instinctively arched into him, welcoming him deeper inside her, he knew the long trip was going to be spent in quite the pleasurable manner for them both.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	20. I simply hold your hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter (the next is the epilogue), and I won't deny that it was very difficult to write; I had to shorten several parts that would have made it darker - without much success, I’m afraid, so it still remains quite dark in tone.  
> I hope you enjoy anyway ;)

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

As Gilgamesh had predicted to himself, the journey felt much shorter than it actually was.

They were now dressed again, but most of the time, they hadn’t been wearing anything at all. He had had the chance to explore Arturia’s flexibility in many interesting ways throughout the trip, and they had both reached their peak repeatedly.

It was slightly troublesome for Arturia not to have anything to clean herself up, not just because she had been covered in sweat, but also because she felt rather uncomfortable between her legs.

When he noticed her discomfort, Gilgamesh told her that there was going to be a hot bath for them as soon as they arrived; she was starting to suspect he had said it merely to be able to keep finding his release deep inside her and then watching it drip down her legs. Absent-mindedly, she reminded herself that she needed to find the ingredients for the Silent Tea, as she had not had enough time to take some with her.

Thinking of the Silent Tea made her pause though, because she could not help associating it with a feeling of despair, for Sola-Ui had confirmed her suspicions, and that meant that she had to make a decision as soon as possible… but she forced herself back to the present.

If she pushed aside the slight discomfort of not having the possibility to take a bath right away, Arturia had to admit that she had rarely felt so sated and relaxed. Gilgamesh seemed to know it and looked rather smugly pleased about it.

That made something uneasy stir inside her. She did not like that kind of behaviour from him; it made her feel as if she had just been used for physical satisfaction.

Which, she reminded herself harshly, was exactly what she was supposed to be there for.

As soon as they arrived, he offered her his hand to leave the carriage – the same hand that had touched her intimately not so long before, and she could not entirely suppress a light blush at realizing it. A small smirk appeared on his face when he noticed.

He gave instructions for their belongings to be brought inside and then guided her to what she supposed were her quarters, even though they were admittedly quite elegant for being a courtesan’s. As he had said, there was a hot bath already waiting for her.

Before she could leave his side to have her bath though, he pressed her close to him suddenly. No one else was around, the servants having already been dismissed. He seemed to have sensed that there was something strange in her mood, but he chose the wrong thing to say.

“Aren’t you glad to no longer be with the High Lord as his courtesan, Arturia?”

Her eyes, which hadn’t expressed much emotion ever since they had arrived – she hadn’t even showed the slightest interest in the beautiful castle – remained blank, but her features hardened.

“Nothing truly changed,” she replied, her voice trembling slightly in a menacing undertone that made Gilgamesh release her. “I just have a new owner now.”

Her words came out almost as a spat as she added, “I was merely allowed to exchange one cage for another.” She then looked past him, not at him. “Please excuse me now.”

Without another word, she shut the door of the bath chamber in his face.

She took her time in the bath. It was not a pool like the ones the guests had at the High Lord’s palace, just a tub, but it was more than enough as a luxury. She had spent several hours during the carriage ride in Gilgamesh’s arms and, while she could not deny she had enjoyed every second of it, it had also made her feel extremely hollow.

She was an object for pleasure; she had already realized it during the first weeks of being a courtesan, but it felt now more real than usual. Gilgamesh knew and remembered her as a child, and therefore kept her around; he even made her travel in his carriage, but all that was to use her body for his pleasure as much as possible.

Arturia knew what she had to do, at least from a logical point of view. She needed to get to know this new palace, get to know the servants and then ask them for the ingredients she required for the Silent Tea, at least to keep up appearances. Then she was going to continue having sex with Gilgamesh every time he asked it from her.

For how long that façade could continue, she was not certain though; she knew it couldn’t be more than a few months. Afterwards… afterwards, the safest option was probably take her own life.

She had been too careless in looking after herself, and that had resulted in her making a horrible mistake that was going to have consequences for an innocent child. She alone was to blame, and had to shoulder the blame; leaving would not be possible nor helpful, and that meant that she needed to end it once and for all.

With dark humour, she realized that for the first time she completely understood the feelings of the courtesans who had taken their own lives when realizing they were pregnant.

When the water started to become cold, she left the tub and found, to her surprise, that some of her clothes had been left next to the entrance. She hoped it was a good sign.

Once dressed, she opened the door to leave… only to find Gilgamesh standing there, staring straight at her.

He had obviously had a bath as well, given that his hair was still slightly damp, but it must have been a quick one, as he seemed to have been waiting there for quite a while.

She blinked warily and almost took a step back in instinct. He looked extremely serious.

“Come,” was all he said though.

He escorted her to a large nearby bedroom, which she realized was directly connected to the bathing room she had been in through another door. She frowned slightly at noticing how elegant and stylish it was though.

“This is my room,” he explained curtly, and her eyes widened slightly.

If the room she was in was his, it meant that she had taken a bath in his personal quarters and not her own. But that did not make any sense…!

As if reading her thoughts, he visibly held back from rolling his eyes. “There are three bathing rooms connected to this bedroom. You were only in one of them.” His crimson eyes suddenly sharpened. “That isn’t the matter I will have to address now though.”

He was looking at her intently, yet while his eyes were imposing as usual, there was also a hint of wariness in them that he could not conceal from her. She stared back at him, now beginning to feel wary as well.

Even though what she had said earlier had been the truth, she had admittedly not thought about the consequences of telling him as much to his face, disregarding her new position.

After prolonging the tense silence for a while longer, he finally spoke.

“Until this morning, you were the High Lord’s courtesan. You said yourself that you don’t particularly care for him, yet you do seem,” there was an almost unnoticeable inflection in his tone, “to know him very well.” He paused briefly. “You claimed you know his body – therefore it makes no sense for you to drug him rather than just sleep with him as he requested. And the fact that you’ve learned to feel pleasure can’t be the only reason.”

“I never said I was sleeping with him,” Arturia replied before thinking, unable to keep the ice from her voice.

He narrowed his eyes at her, looking oddly suspicious, therefore she elaborated, “I didn’t lie about knowing his body _language_ well. I spent most dinners studying him and the other guests, making it easy to guess when he’s lying or concealing something.”

He took a moment to asses her statement, and then pressed her, “ _Why_ did you not sleep with him?”

She was reluctant about giving away the favourite’s secret, but she hoped that, without saying her name, she would be able to explain it.

“There’s another courtesan who cares for the High Lord a great deal. She… wouldn’t have liked it if I had been with him.”

She refused to add another word on that, but Gilgamesh did not seem to care. He obviously was not interested in the courtesan’s identity; he wanted to have a clarification on something else.

“Yet you were _his_ courtesan, which means that you should be familiar with his body in other ways.”

There was no accusation in his tone, contrary to the way he had spoken to her in the morning; there was just a stern demand for the truth, without leaving any room for her to back away.

After thinking rapidly, she slowly told him, “I did sleep with him in the past, but only when he requested me.”

He was silent once again for a while.

“Who was the first man you were with?” he unexpectedly asked her next.

Arturia did not like where the conversation was going. She was fully aware of who she was, but that did not mean he had the right to question her. Perhaps, however, having grown up with Sola-Ui had taught her that she could hold her own with dignity, even when the subject was making her feel uncomfortable.

“The High Lord,” she therefore replied calmly before continuing, with equal steadiness, “And that was the only time I was with him.”

“Did all the courtesans lose their virginity to their lord?”

His voice was as steady as hers, and she found that she could now hold his gaze firmly.

“Not at all. But I was a… special case. Given that I was taken in when I was still a child, I was kept somewhat sheltered before becoming a courtesan.”

Something unreadable crossed his features before he collected himself once again.

“What kind of lover is the High Lord?” he bluntly asked her next.

Arturia’s eyes widened slightly at that kind of inquiry, making her unable to suppress a glare.

“Why this sudden morbid interest in the people I’ve slept with?” she accused him with vehemence.

His expression remained unchanged.

“Answer me.” His tone was emotionless, ensuring that it did not come out as a command, and allowing her to realize that while he wanted her to reply, he was wary of her answer as well.

She pursed her lips, the reluctance and displeasure clear in her countenance. Very well then; he has asked for it. She was not going to lie, and she could be blunt as well.

“I wouldn’t know. He was drunk.”

Gilgamesh’s expression changed abruptly into one of visible disgust, even though it wasn’t directed at her.

“He was _drunk_?”

Arturia eyed him coldly, choosing to ignore the anger she had heard in his voice, and her tone was cutting in her reply.

“In what state do you think men usually are when they take a courtesan to bed? You said you were tipsy yourself when you slept around. And since when is a courtesan’s enjoyment in bed taken into consideration?” Her eyes flashed. “I should like to see _you_ in the position of a courtesan, Gilgamesh.”

To her surprise, he seemed to actually contemplate such an option with some seriousness, because a small smirk appeared on his lips.

“If I were _your_ courtesan, Arturia, I don’t believe I would mind at all, as there would certainly be enjoyment in it.”

In spite of herself, she had to stifle a chuckle, but her expression soon turned stern again.

“A courtesan doesn’t get to choose the owner, nor does she get to choose the partners,” she reminded him, her tone icy. “Men seek release, for whatever reason they may have, and a woman’s body is considered a perfect help for such _needs_. However, calling for a prostitute isn’t considered fashionable, and besides, why should a man pay for such services?” Her voice was full of awful sarcasm. “Much better to give some pretty women the _honour_ of being courtesans.”

Her eyes landed back on him. “I was the High Lord’s courtesan until this morning,” she went on, her voice low, “and now I am _your_ courtesan. I don’t see a great change in it.”

She had probably said the wrong thing, because anger was back on Gilgamesh’s face, but this time, it was indeed directed at her. He took a few steps forward and grabbed her shoulders almost violently, forcing her to meet his eyes but at the same time making sure not to harm her.

“Arturia,” rage was dripping from his every word, which came out as a growl, “I know very well that it wasn’t your choice to become a courtesan. And yes, I have nothing but fury and hatred towards the High Lord for deciding your destiny when you were just a child, for determining the conditions on which your life was spared, and for later taking your virginity in a drunken stupor. But don’t put me on the same level as that mongrel and the men who just used your body, for they deserve only contempt–”

“Then you should probably direct your contempt at half the lords in the land!” Arturia spat out, interrupting him as anger filled her as well. “I was the High Lord’s courtesan for almost six years – apart from the last months when I was only with you, do you really think I was on my own all the nights before?” Her voice was dangerous, daring him to interrupt her. “I don’t remember the faces of any of them, and if you want to know the exact number of the people who have been between my legs and without my consent, I couldn’t tell you, because _I don’t know_.”

She did not attempt to free herself from his hold, but her anger seemed to become more controlled. “I have no idea why you pushed this conversation to the point where I would have to admit this to you of all people. You clearly hate the thought of anyone else touching me, you have shown that time and again – and yet you are fully aware of my being a courtesan!”

There was a strange frustration in her tone now. “I’ve been with many, _many_ men, and I suggest you come to terms with that, because I have. I can’t change my past – and my past is that until this morning I was the High Lord’s courtesan, a position that forced me into the beds of uncountable people! I thought you knew that, as you told me yourself that _my past is my own_!”

She took a step back, and he let her go, albeit reluctantly.

She lifted her chin to stare directly at him once again. “As for my future, I am _your_ courtesan now.” Her gaze turned suddenly so murderous that Gilgamesh almost flinched. “Don’t you _dare_ pretend you feel pity for my life, Gilgamesh, nor that you despise the men who created my position in life – because you are one of them.” She stated it with a tone of complete certainty. “You have no right to rant about your anger towards my previous owner, because _you_ are my owner now. You can order me to do the exact same things the High Lord demanded of me, you can decide when and where and with whom I sleep. You can decide on my life, but especially on my bed–”

“As if I would _ever_ demand for you to do anything like that, Arturia,” he interrupted her harshly, his voice steely. His crimson eyes looked like they were hosting a thunderstorm.

His words didn’t however have the desired effect, because Arturia only regarded him detachedly.

“It doesn’t matter whether you would or would not do it, or rather, if you will or won’t do it. What matters is that you have the _power_ to demand it from me.”

Her green eyes seemed to suddenly lose all their fighting spirit from before. “I can’t change my status as a courtesan, and neither can you, not even if you wanted to. Being a courtesan means being unfit for anything else; the only possibility to leave it would be death, or disgrace. And I’m not asking for that. I’m asking for you not to be a _hypocrite_.” Her eyes came to life again, fire burning in them. “You demand honesty from me, which I’ve given you. I would therefore prefer it if you gave me the same.”

She took a deep breath. “May I be excused now?”

Her tone was so bland all of a sudden that anyone else would have agreed without even realizing it.

But Gilgamesh wasn’t going to do that.

“No, Arturia. You may not,” he simply replied. He saw her eyes narrow, but ignored it. “Not just because our conversation hasn’t come to an end yet, but also because you are in the room where you will be sleeping, therefore you may not be excused from here.”

His hand went to grasp her wrist and, again ignoring her resisting and muttering in protest, he pulled her towards one side of the room, where there were two recliners. He sat down on one of them, and unceremoniously left her no choice but to sit in his lap. His arms went around her waist, holding her securely.

When he saw that she was still trying to free herself, his voice was harsh.

“As you said, I am your owner now.” She stilled in her movements, her body stiffening not just in anger but now also in apprehension. “I will not order you to stop struggling unless I have no choice.”

The threat hung in the air as he found a more comfortable position on the recliner and tightened his hold around her.

“I don’t precisely _enjoy_ the power to give you orders,” he informed her in an off-handed way, as if he was studying the clouds to determine the weather for the next day. “But I _will_ be using this threat to make sure you listen to what I have to say.”

His hold tightened even more and, reluctantly, Arturia finally stared deep into his eyes.

“Have you simply be my own courtesan wouldn’t necessarily be a bad prospect, and had I wanted just this, I would have done so months ago,” he resumed calmly. “Unfortunately, having you as my courtesan doesn’t hold the same appeal as having you become my wife.”

There were several seconds of silence, Arturia probably not really understanding his words for a while.

But once she did, her eyes enlarged and her mouth almost fell open in shock.

She managed to control herself, even if just barely, and gaped at him, trying her mightiest to read his mind solely through her stare. She could not understand – much less accept – what he was saying.

With a small smirk curving his lips, Gilgamesh repeated it for her.

“I want to marry you,” he said, calmly but firmly, making it clear that he was not joking. “There aren’t only death or disgrace as possibilities for a courtesan. And I want you to be my wife.”

All Arturia could bring herself to sputter quietly after a long while was, “How… _Why?_ ”

One of his hands started to travel up and down her back gently, holding her body close.

“I do not like the idea of you being merely my courtesan,” he said slowly. “And I do not like you fearing the fact that I could make you sleep with others.” His crimson eyes bore into her green ones. “But the most important reason, Arturia, is that I’ve wanted to marry you for a very long time, ever since we were children and I pulled you out of the pond when you almost died.”

Arturia suddenly began to shake her head rather violently. She had probably misheard him, as it was completely ridiculous.

“That’s absolute _nonsense_ , Gilgamesh,” she hissed. “You can’t marry a courtesan. You can desire one, as so many do, but you can’t marry one. It’s considered scandalous.”

“Is it, now,” he replied, almost lazily, unaffected by her reaction. “Why should that concern me? You said you accept your past, and so can I; if you accept _my_ past as well, then I don’t see the slightest problem in a future together with me.”

She studied him very, very carefully before saying, her voice having an odd edge, “You aren’t doing this because you feel sorry for me, are you?”

Gilgamesh lifted an eyebrow, almost affronted.

“Such an insulting idea, Arturia. I wouldn’t be here with you, if I felt _sorry_ for you.” His tone was much harsher than he intended it to be, and she stiffened once again.

Abruptly, she stood up, pushing him away from her and not allowing any contact between them anymore.

“Then there must be another, more materialistic reason.” Again there was something odd both in her expression and her voice. “You want children, don’t you? Heirs?”

Gilgamesh stood up as well.

“Children would be welcome,” he conceded without difficulty. “But not necessary. This land’s lordship is not hereditary, it’s entailed away by the current ruler. I choose my successor, and it can be chosen among anyone, not necessarily among my possible children. Therefore I don’t need to procreate, and that’s certainly _not_ one of the reasons why I want to marry you.”

He frowned briefly. “Of course one of the senseless marriage customs shall _not_ be respected,” he added, a slow grin making its way on his face again. “Namely, the one of married couples having separate bedchambers.”

Arturia however still looked at him warily.

She seemed to hesitate before tentatively saying, “You… isn’t this something… that you are doing only because I told you how I feel about illegitimate children? I mean,” her voice became firmer, but the odd edge was still there, “you fear me falling with child and as you know I don’t want to make any child of mine illegitimate, you want to marry me to avoid it. Isn’t this it?”

Gilgamesh shook his head decisively, taking a step closer to her, looking pleased when she did not pull away from him this time.

“Not in the least, and I’m rather certain that you know it very well,” he replied concisely. “I want to marry you regardless of children, should there ever be any.”

Arturia looked extremely uneasy and persisted, taking a sudden step closer to him, “You are _serious_ about wanting to marry me? Are you certain you haven’t lost your mind?”

At this, Gilgamesh rolled his eyes and swung her to him, his arms enveloping her as his mouth found hers for a deep and passionate kiss.

“I’m _completely_ serious,” he whispered with finality once he released her. “In fact, I already have the marriage contract ready.” With a new smirk, he added, “With your real name.”

Arturia stared at him for a very long while. Knowing that it was not an easy thing to take in – at least for her, since it was so unexpected, while for him it had been obvious for years – he did not say anything, restraining himself in order to give her all the time she needed.

She then seemed to fight with herself for a moment and slowly, a sudden, small smile appeared on her lips. It was almost imperceptible, but it was there.

“I… do not mind marrying you.”

She completed her reply with a searing kiss, which was followed by Gilgamesh lightly chuckling in her ear.

“That’s rather harsh, Arturia.” His tone was teasing. “You merely ‘don’t mind’?”

Her cheeks turned pink and she huffed, averting her eyes.

“That is the most you will get me to admit, Gilgamesh.” Her lips tilted upwards again, involuntarily, in another smile. “At least for now.”

“Very well. I suppose I can wait for the day when you are ready to declare your undying love for me.”

His grin made it clear that he was enjoying this banter very much, and Arturia almost grinned back. She wasn’t at the ‘undying love’ stage – at least, not _yet_ – but she was far, far beyond the ‘not minding’ one. She was of course not going to admit it to him, but she knew that he was aware of it, and it was probably the only reason why he was not pressing her more.

She sobered up soon enough however, and her previous odd expression was back again.

“Nothing will make you change your mind about marriage?”

His eyebrows rose, and he shook his head, wordlessly inviting her to continue.

She seemed to want to take a deep breath, but then just looked at him intently.

“You said children would be welcome,” she began tentatively.

His brow furrowed and then some guardedness flashed through his eyes.

“You had told me you didn’t have any children,” he said cautiously, something vaguely accusatory in his voice.

Arturia almost smiled again then, her uneasiness fading in front of his obliviousness.

“I didn’t lie to you, and I don’t have any children…” she did not hesitate anymore, “…yet.”

Arturia did not know that it was possible for Gilgamesh to remain expressionless for such a long period of time. She even started to worry at his unresponsiveness after a while.

Just as she was beginning to wonder whether she should shake him to try to make him snap out of it, he seemed to shake himself and stared at her for a few seconds.

“You… are pregnant?”

He did not sound incredulous; he seemed to simply want confirmation.

She misunderstood his intention however and pulled away from him, creating some distance between them.

“The child is yours,” she told him, her voice somewhat dry, not completely able to hide the fact that she felt offended.

To her surprise, those words managed to make Gilgamesh chuckle briefly.

“Oh, I don’t doubt that at all.” His confident tone made her realize her mistake, and she eyed him cautiously. “I am simply… surprised.” It was his turn to eye her cautiously. “Your behaviour makes me believe that you’ve known this for a while. Does this mean that it’s safe for me to still touch you?”

Arturia was tempted to roll her eyes, but opted for a small grin instead. He was more worried about hurting her than impending parenthood, which likely meant that, as long as the child was to be born legitimate – and she would ensure it – she did not need to be guarded about his possible reaction to the news anymore.

“Yes, you may still touch me,” she clarified. “At least for a few more months.”

She had barely finished the sentence when she was in his arms once again and he was kissing her impatiently, already working on removing her bathrobe eagerly.

“Tomorrow we will be getting married,” he told her as his lips traced her cheek lightly, going towards her neck. “But now you need to become acquainted with your new bedroom.”

He stopped in his passionate – and welcome – assault of her already sensitive skin only for a moment, in order to meet her eyes briefly.

But only for the time he needed in order to smile widely, before leaning in for another, longer kiss.

…

~oooOooo~

…


	21. Daybreak starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heartfelt thanks go to Christy, who gave the idea and then patiently listened as I told her about this fic; the original outline was very dark and I didn't like it myself, but couldn't find the resolve to discard it until she simply reminded me to write the story I _wanted_ to write for GilArt in this scenario :) I'm really grateful to her!!!
> 
> Thank you all very much for taking the time to read this story!!! ;)))

…

~oooOooo~

…

EPILOGUE

…

~oooOooo~

…

 

It took Arturia a few months to become familiar with the land she now lived in, but in less than a year she had already learned so much about it that a few times she surprised even Gilgamesh with the knowledge she had absorbed.

Even though she was the wife of the ‘King’, she declined the title of ‘Queen’, being content with the use of her real name; as she had been ‘Saber’ for such a long time, having now the possibility to publicly use ‘Arturia’ again was very liberating. And by not taking any formal titles, she could go around the villages often without being recognized.

As Gilgamesh’s land was more focused on military than the High Lord’s, she had the opportunity to resume her swordplay lessons and deepen her understanding of governing when taking into account the needs of an army. While she remained wary of taking up a public role of any kind, not believing it wise to have it known that a former courtesan was involved in matters of state, she never held back in debating with her husband about the decisions he made for his people. Whether she admitted it or not, sitting through the High Lord’s dinners and listening to the endless talks of the nobles had given her a keen insight, for example, on how to deal with other lords in matters of diplomacy.

Gilgamesh enjoyed each and every discussion with his wife and, while he would have preferred her to receive more recognition for her merits, he grudgingly accepted her desire for privacy. After all, since he could have her all to himself for the rest of their lives, he did not _truly_ care about what everyone else in the world thought.

Even though they had many duties to tend to – or at least, he did, and she willingly helped out in them – they always made sure to have time for their children. As time passed, they had three boys and later twin girls; Arturia knew from the start that she was going to be the stricter parent, at least most of the time, because Gilgamesh was definitely going to spoil them rotten.

Her body altered slightly after four pregnancies, but contrary to her expectations, not in an overly visible manner. Her constant physical exercises were the likely reason why the only real change was the fact that she found herself having a few more curves than before. Neither she nor her husband seemed to consider it something negative, by any means.

They did not talk often about the past. While Gilgamesh had told her more about their meetings from when they were kids and she offered details about the little she remembered from back then, he did not ask questions about her time at the High Lord’s. Both knew exactly what had occurred while she was a courtesan, and both had come to terms with it; talking more in depth about it was not something they felt the need to do.

There was, however, the subject of courtesans itself that was to be addressed. Although they did not have the power to abolish the custom of courtesans, what Arturia asked Gilgamesh to do – _ordered_ him to do, even though he agreed with it – was to make sure women were given a choice. He was considered a ‘King’ not just in his own lands but in the High Lord’s as well, and that gave him the possibility to pressure the High Lord himself into doing the same.

All the nobles had to do was give their courtesans a choice. Those who did not like or did not want their condition would be given a certain amount of money, which they could use for anything they wanted, for example as dowry or to learn a craft. Those who wished to remain as courtesans would have the possibility to do so as well.

It wasn’t entirely a surprise when, a few months after Gilgamesh subtly threatened the High Lord into following his orders about courtesans, Sola-Ui came to visit Arturia. By then, her firstborn had just started to sleep at night, and her former mentor was warm in her well wishes for Arturia’s future life as Gilgamesh’s wife. Sola-Ui told her that most of the High Lord’s courtesans had immediately abandoned their status to make a life for themselves, aside from a few of them, among which there was of course the favourite one, who was never going to leave him.

Arturia asked Sola-Ui if she wished to stay there; even though the land was a different one, it was a place she could come to like and where she would always be welcome. But a deep-rooted sadness was in the older woman’s eyes when she declined the offer, telling Arturia that she preferred travelling and seeing more of other lands, taking up small jobs wherever she went. She gave however her word that she would come visit every year, and she made sure to keep her promise.

Overall, even when there was some tension at the borders and a few skirmishes could not be avoided, there weren’t any real battles to be fought and the lands remained peaceful under Gilgamesh’s rule.

Arturia did not know if the plans her parents had had for her after she had been born had ever designated Gilgamesh as her future husband – even when they had been organizing the coup – and in truth, she didn’t truly care anymore.

Her fate was not what they had decided for her, and neither was it written in the stars, as they had told her. She could never be bound by a destiny supposedly written in the stars.

Stars, no matter how beautiful they could be, were in the sky. She, her life, and everything she did in her life, were all on earth.

…

~oooOooo~

…

END


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